The Vampire Files 1: Vampires on Vacation
by roxypony
Summary: What happens when Darren hooks Vampire Mountain up with a computer and a solid internet connection? The first ever Vampire Vacation, that's what. Aww, my first ficcy is over 4 years old.
1. Abomination

_**17 / 10 / 2011**_

_**Abomination: The story of how I deleted this chapter but heroically (?) salvaged the rest of the fic. Because everyone should write about themself from the third person at least once in their life.**_

Hello reader.

Perhaps this is your first time opening a _The Vampire Files_ story. If so, the gang and I extend you the warmest of welcomes and hope you enjoy your stay in Vampire Mountain, where the water is cold and the Vampires are crazy. And please don't exit this page, I know very well this doesn't look much like a proper chapter, but that will change.

Prehaps you are currently reading your way through the series - and if thats the case, why on earth didn't you read the first one first? Oh well. You're here now and that's what matters...I suppose.

Perhaps you are a TVF fan of old, returned to the old classic story to seek a giggle.

Whoever you are, this page is where the very first chapter of the TVF Saga once lived. This first chapter was the short but sweet (?) documentation of the very first time Darren installed a computer in Vampire Mountain, triggering an avalanche of adventures so immense it hasn't even been fully written yet. In this first chapter, there was laughing and giggling and hysterics and inappropriate plug jokes, and much yelling of 'Abomination!'.

But all that vanished in the click of a 'save' button. In an attempt to reboot this story and erase the blasphemous errors she'd left in her youthful ignorance (such as Crepsley contractions) a hard-headed young author named Roxypony set out to rid TVF of imperfections. Somewhere along the lines of replacing chapter content, she made a oopsie that resulted in the vanishing of the chapter one - that would not have been a problem had the original Microsoft Office copy not been long since gone, having died with her old computer. This happened to several other chapters among this and _TVF2: Father of the Bride_. Needless to say, the foolish author lost a great deal of sleep (not before unleashing a deadly wrath upon her Facebook fan page) and shed many tears, feeling as though she'd amputated the limbs of her own children with no way to reattach them. Her beloved classic Vampire tales were riddled with metaphorical bullet holes, and the thought was terribly upsetting. All hope was lost, or so it seemed.

Young Roxy set out to school the next day, and resolved to spend first period patching the holes, using her memory to re-write what had been deleted. When she reached the back caverns of the school library, she learned that the school wifi was being particularly moronic and refused to work. While she waited for connection, a miracle occurred. She opened her browser and saw that she had not yet closed her tabs from yesterday. Then she had an idea so crazy it just might work!

The next minutes were filled with much clicking of the 'back' button, and she found each and every one of her TVF chapters (except for this one, obviously) in exactly the right spot. While squeeing in delight, she backed up the documents on her computer (like she should have done YEARS AGO) she went about re-fixing the errors and replacing the chapters until _Vampires On Vacation_ was more or less whole once again. And they all lived abominably ever after.

###

I spent my day deciding how I was going to re-write this first chapter, the one that started it all. Losing this chapter truly feels like losing a loved one. Because it was the _first _one. Any other chapter, else I'd suck it up and move on, but I'm not embarrassed to say I shed tears over this one. Nevermind last night when I thought I lost at least 6 chapters of this story...ugh. So anyway, I have decided not to re-write this chapter since it's no longer crucial to the storyline -I mean, we all know and accept that there are computers in Vampire Mountain, in TVF-verse anyway. Even if I did re-write this, we all know it wouldn't be the same. Your first fic, or your first CHAPTER of your first fic, can't be reproduced. I can't make myself as naive and eager as I was when I started this. _It. Would. Not. Be. The. Same. _

So I leave this page as it is, to be a memorial for the beginning of the _Vampire Files _saga that was lost in the Great Deletion (i.e., first-class fuckup) of 2011. May we never forget the day Darren Shan installed that damn computer in Vampire Mountain, giving his friends their first glimpse into the real world of the 21st century. I don't have a moving quote or a slick copy'n'paste image thing to put here, so my parting words to you are simply,

* * *

**Here Lies Chapter One:**

_**" Abomination "**_

_Posted Feburary 28 2008, __approximately 11:30 am, EST._

_Disappeared November 16 2011, approximately 1:14 pm, EST. _

_May it find a peaceful corner of Paradise's cyberspace in which to rest._

* * *

I leave you now with a small tidbit of the deceased chapter, taken from _The Best Of TVF_. (Which used to be a collection of TVF quotes I posted, but deleted it since there wasn't much point to it.) These words are all that remains of Chapter One, use them well.

* * *

"WHAT ON EARTH IS THIS ABOMINATION? JUST WAIT TILL I TELL THE PRINCES ITS GOING TO GET CARTED STRAIGHT OFF TO THE HALL OF DEATH I WARNED THEM NOT TO MAKE YOU A PRINCE BUT WOULD THEY LISTEN NOOOO AND NOW I HAVE TO DEAL WITH THIS ABOMINATION! I CANT BELIVE THIS NEVER IN ALL MY YEARS-"

_- Seba Nile. _

_First use of ABOMINATION, and introduction of "Senile" Seba Nile!_

* * *

"You have a magic box?" Kurda gasped in awe.

"It's called...a _commuter_...you douchebag!" Harkat retorted.

"Darren said it was called an Abomination!"

"No, Seba. That's what _you_ said it was called."

Darren sighed. Maybe this had not been such a good idea.

"I would like to order...some food now!" Harkat reminded.

"To make you all happy, I will give you a crash course on using eBay, then you can each make have 10 minuites to order whatever you want, then no more computer time until yours arrive."

"Who put you in charge?" Mika snorted.

"That would be us, Mika." Paris said, sounding slightly like he regretted the descision to make Darren a Prince.

* * *

"Who peed on his pancakes?" - Harkat Mulds.

* * *

I'll never forget this.

I apologize for my rare display of emotional instability, I promise it will not happen again. Unless I accidentally delete my account or something. What can we learn from this?  
A) BACK. UP. EVERYTHING. NO EXCEPTIONS.  
B) Don't trust FFN's document replacer... just... don't.  
C) Don't get so attached to a story that you'll cry in situations like this.

That's all I got for ya. Screwups on _Father of the Bride _were minor and have been fixed. Best of wishes and much love to all!

RXP


	2. UPS

A/N: hi everyone! i didn't think i'd update so fast, but here it is :D hopefully it doesn't dissapoint. i'd like to send a big thanks and lots of rolo chocolate cones to my 3 reviewers. hopefully i get lots more!

**Kurda's Girl: **my very first reviewer in ever! thanks so much! yep i definitley plan to continue with this story, and im hoping that updates will be frequent since A)im finding this story easy to write, B)figure skating is almost over for the year, so i'll have more time...that is until horse show season starts:P glad you liked the pancake line lol. xoxo you rock!

**AnyaTheRhymer: **lmao yeah Seba's supposed to have sort of a geriatric dementia thing going. did he sound like a crazy old guy or just a babbling retard? SO glad you're enjoying! xoxo

**xXVampireXx: **i'm so happy you're finding it hilarious! yeah i know Kurda's supposed to be dead at this point, but i've kind of made him sort of like a "dumb blonde" for the story since im not a big fan of his. as for Arra and Gavner, they might just appear later in the story. cuz hey, it's a parody so anything can happen:P keep reading! xoxo

do you guys like rolo cones or should i give my reviewers something else? gum? cookies? lemme know. luv ya all! (and review if you want your name up there too!)

p.s. the screen names of the chatacters were meant to be full email adresses but the "at" sign and the underscores wouldnt show up for some reason :(... i added this chapter earlier today, but i noticed some mistakes so i deleted it fixed the mistakes and re added it. sorry for any confusion :P

p.p.s i forgot to do the disclaimer thing:O will they send me to jail for that? since its highly unlikely that i'll be able to update from jail, here it is: ALL CHARACTERS AND PLACES BELONG TO THE REAL DARREN SHAN! there we, go, happy now? that totally ruined my day :P

* * *

It was almost a month after Darren and the other inhabitants of Vampire Mountain had ordered their "supplies" from the newly introduced wonder known as eBay. Days had passed slowly after the memorable afternoon where Harkat, Seba, Mr. Crespley, Mika, Paris, Arrow, and Kurda had enjoyed their first encounter with 21st century technology. Each Vampire had gone on an ordering spree and were anxiously awaiting the arrival of their new accessories. Unfortunatley, most of them were beginning to doubt that the UPS man would be able to find Vampire Mountain.

Darren, Mika, Paris and Arrow were playing Go Fish in the Hall of Princes using a pack of cards which had been hand-made by Darren during the long, boring days. He was learning the hard way that Vampires are not especially good at playing cards.

"Do you have any lines, Mika?" Paris asked.

"Paris, we've been through this at leats five times. They're not called lines, they're called ones!" Darren reminded.

"They look like lines to me." the ancient Vampire growled.

"I don't have any lines." Mika added.

"Sure you do!" Arrow informed everyone. "You don't call that a line?"

"Nope, it's one of those things with a hooky thingy on the end." Mika retorted.

"For the last damn time, it's called a seven!"Darren groaned.

"My turn!" Arrow interrupted. "Darren, do you have any - WHAT IS THIS?"

He waved a card with an 8 on it.

The other three looked closer at the card.

"Relax, Arrow. It's just a snowman." said Paris wisely.

"Not if you turn it the other way..." Arrow turned the card on it's side and showed to everyone.

"THAT'S JUST WRONG!" Mika gasped in a scandalised tone.

_I thought Princes were supposed to be wise and respected. _Darren thought.

Suddenly Harkat raced into the Hall.

"We..are...under...attack!" gasped the Little Person.

"Finally! Some real action!" Mika yelled as he grabbed his sword and darted out of the hall with Arrow in close pursuit and Paris shuffling along behind them. Darren followed the Princes to the main entrance to the Mountain. In the long corridor there were stacks and stacks of boxes in every size and shape imaginable. And at the end of the hall, Mika was holding his sword to the throat of a uniformed man who looked absolutely petrified.

"Who are you? Are you with the Vampaneze? Are you a spy? WHY ARE YOU HERE?" Mika interrogated.

"I'm...just...making...a...delivery!" gasped the man. "I'll leave as soon as these boxes are unloaded, I swear!"

"Whoa, Mika! Relax! It's only a UPS guy! He's here to drop off the stuff we ordered!" Darren interrupted.

"In that case, gimme my computer!" said Mika, instantly losing interest in the UPS guy.

Mr. Crepsley, Seba, Kurda and Harkat wandered in and did a double-take upon seeing the mountains of boxes.

"Omigosh, big brown cubes!" Kurda squealed in delight. Everyone ignored him.

"You might want to unpack your boxes to make sure your items weren't damaged during shipping." the UPS guy said, trying to regain his professioanl manner. "And theres 6 other trucks outised waiting to be unloaded." he added, shocking Darren. He turned to his friends

"What did you guys order?" he gasped incredulously.

"Not much..." mumbled Mr. Crepsley, shuffling his feet.

Not for the first time, Darren regretted smuggling the computer into Vampire Mountain.

An hour later, the boxes were unpacked in the hall. The UPS guy was checking his list.

"So that's 30 Apple MacBook computers, 15 extra large couches, 20 reclining chairs, a crate of iPods, assorted types and colours, 5 extra large refrigerators, an ice cream maker, 6 cauppucino makers, an extra large iPod-compatible stero syetem, a karaoke, machine, a toaster, 2 treadmills, 8 cell phones, an electric scooter, a crate of assorted DVDs, a crate of assorted CDs, 8 plasma screen TVs with 6-speaker surround sound, 10 extra large crates of assorted food items, 8 sets of ski equipment, and 8 two week passes for Golden Horseshoe Ski Resort!" the Guy recited in one breath. "The items are billed to a Mr. P. Skyle? Is he present?"

Paris stepped forward looking furious, disgusted, incredulous, scandalised, amazed, and horrified.

"Will you be using Visa, Mastercard, cash, or cheque?"

Outside, in the delivery vans...

"Pete's been in there an awful long time, should one of us go after him?" Richard wondered.

"Nah, he'll be out in a sec." Hank answered

Two seconds later, Pete's body came flying out the door, looking as though it had been tossed by someone with muscles the size of bowling balls...it was also drained of blood.

Richard, Hank, and the rest of the UPS guys pulled 360 turns and vacated the mountain at 110 mph.

Back inside Vampire Mountain, Darren and the gang were busy stocking rooms with their new posessions as though nothing had happened.

On the screen of a computer...

**VAMPIRE MOUNTAIN OFFICIAL CHATROOM**

**littleD has signed in.**

**Lcreps has signed in**

**MVLmvp has signed in**

**arrow01 has signed in**

**ImOld has signed in**

**Se_Nile has signed in**

**muldz has signed in**

**KissThis4KS has signed in**

littleD says: hey ppls!

Lcreps says: Darren! What on earth does "ppls" mean?

littleD says: SIGH its a short form of PEOPLES u retard!

Lcreps says: You will show proper respect for me or else i will have this machine taken straight to the Hall of Death.

littleD says: dont tell me uve never heard if internet speak.

Lcreps says: Do not tell ME you have never heard of proper grammar!

littleD: w/e

muldz says: greetings everyone!

littleD says: hey harkat! howr u enjoying ur food?

muldz says: it is a great improvement from dead animals :)

MVLmvp says: wats up guys

muldz says: n2m, u?

littleD says: what does MVLmvp mean?

MVLmvp says : Mika Ver Leth, Most Vauluable Prince! what did u THINK it meant?

littleD: okk then...

**littleD has left this Chatroom**

Later, when everyone had their fill of computering for the day, the gathered in the newly re-decorated living room complete with a plasma screen TV. They were flicking between The Simpsons, SportsChannel, and some random show about spiders on the Discovery Channel. As Seba, Mika, and Harkat squabbled over the remote, Darren opened an envelope that had arrived with the rest of the stuff.

"This is why we ordered more than one television." Mr. Crepsley noted to Mika, Seba, and Harkat, who took no notice.

"What's that, Darren?" Arrow inquired, noticing the brochures in the young Vampire's hands.

"This would be an excellent time to make my announcement. Listen up, guys!" Darren called.

When all eyes were on him, Darren continued: "I've booked us two week skiing vacation somewhere in North America!"

This didn't get quite the reaction he had hoped for. Mika voiced what was on everyone's mind when he asked...

"What on earth is skiing?"

After Darren finished explaining what skiing was, reactions were mixed.

"I think...it sounds like...big fun!" Harkat defended loyally.

"YOU WILL NEVER GET ME UP ON ONE OF THOSE DEATH TRAPS! I SHOULD HAVE DESTROYED THE ABOMINATION BEFORE IT CAME TO THIS!" that was Seba, obviously.

"What colours do the ski outfits come in? I hear pinks and greens are VERY hot this season" Kurda contributed, casing everyone to mutter uncomfortably.

Not for the last time, Darren regretted smuggling the Abomination-er, _Computer_- into the world of Vampires.

* * *

So...good? bad? funny? i tried to make their IM convo funny, but i don't know if i did a good job. and i know the Ski Trip idea came out of nowhere, but i'm going skiing at Mount Tremblant in Quebec for a week, in 9 days (uugh 8 hour drive since i live in Ontario) and i didn't want my beloved Vampires to miss out on the fun! yeehoo i love skiing...ANYWAY, you know the drill! REVIEW REVIEW REVIEWWWW! the more reviews i get, the sooner i'll upate! buh bye for now :)

xoxoxo ROXYPONYxoxoxoxo


	3. Everyone Gets Turned Off Hats

A/N: Hey guys, here's chappie 3! This one is a bit shorter (soory!) and it starts off somewhat slow, but there's a funnier part towards the end. Hope you're not dissapointed.

My lovely reviwers:

**xXVampireXx**: well if you had to pay for all that stuff, wouldn't you kill the UPS guy too:P xoxo so glad you're lovin it:)

**AnyaTheRhymer**: ImOld, that would be Paris of course! lol im hyper too, today is a snow day :)

if you want your name up here in **bolded** letters, then **REVIEW**. pretty please. :)

**on a totally unrelated topic**: im sure you've seen American Idol. when you see Randy, Paula and Simon are you reminded of Arrow, Paris and Mika? I am! lmao Simon is so hott. at least i think so. GO DAVID COOK! if he doesnt win Idol...SOB!

The Vampire Mountain gang should be skiing by the end of next chappie. But they have to get through customs at the Airport first...muahahahaa. 6 days till my ski tripp! hey has anyone ever been to Mount Tremblant in Quebec? Apparently the have a hill thats 6km long. Yeehoo!

* * *

On a computer screen:

**littleD has signed in**

**Lcreps has signed in**

littleD says: wassup mr c?

Lcreps says: Darren, I cannot believe that you booked this Ski Vacation without informing us first!

littleD says: ur still bummed about that? lighten up its gonna be fun

Lcreps says: You may have your fun, I shall not participate. I will stay here with Seba and take care of Vampire Mountain in your abscence.

littleD says: lmfao didnt seba tell u? HES GOING TOO! HAHAHAH BURN!

Lcreps says: Fine then. I am perfectly capable of staying here on my own.

littleD says: suuuuuuure u are...

Lcreps says: Wait a minuite! You are not forcing Seba to take part in this vacation, are you?

littleD says: omg no! hes eager!

Lcreps says: I highly doubt that.

**Se_Nile has signed in**

Se_Nile says: 1 MORE DAY TILL TEH TRIPPPPPPPP:D:D:D:D:D:D DAAAARREN what should i pack?

littleD says: hmmmm well obviously ull need ur ski equip, might wanna bring some snackage, some money in case u run out of snackage, toothbrush/toothpaste, spare robes, u know. vacationy stuffs.

Se_Nile says: okk g2g pack! what time r we leaving tomorrow?

littleD says: about 5 pm. were flitting to the airport then flying to the ski resort.

Se_Nile says: THATS TOO EARLY ITS PRACTICALLY THE MIDDLE OF THE DAY :O:O:O:O

littleD says: fine then u can stay here with mr c

Se_Nile says: NOOO ILL COME!

littleD says: okk ttyl bye

Lcreps says: Seba! Do not tell me you are taking part in this rediculous outing!

**Se_Nile has signed out**

**KissThis4KS has signed in**

KissThis4KS says: ooooomg you guys... i was jussttttt talking to you, on seeba's account! cuz he logged in on my comp and forgot to log out again :O silly sega. WAIT DOES THAT MEAN WERE LIKE THE SAME PERSON NOW? AM I GONNA GROW FACIAL HAIR? OHHH GAAAAWWDDD!

**KissThis4KS has signed out **

littleD: i was wondering why seba was being so liberal with the emoticons... that explains a lot

Lcreps says: Well have fun on your vacation, Darren. When you come home with broken bones, do not say i did not warn you.

littleD says: hey u used a lower case "i"! great job, im so proud!

Lcreps says: OH NO! Can I not correct it?

littleD says: nuh uh :)

**Lcreps has signed out**

littleD says: hahaha sucker

**littleD has signed out**

In the Living Room of Vampire Mountain, everyone was bringing their down their various bags of stuff so they could grab them easily when they woke up early the next night.. Kurda was dragging his baby blue Prada suitcase filled with various hair products and his handy-dandy hair straightener. Mika was carrying a small black backpack stocked with his black laptop, black iPod, black digital camera, and a change of black clothes. He was also carrying his black snowboard.

"Where did that come from?" Darren commented on the snowboard.

"I exchanged it, the skis were awkward. They were also orange."

"Did the UPS guy escape with his life this time?"

"It didn't come by UPS, I picked it up at a post office 300 miles away. I had to flit there, but it was worth it to not have to deal with those snivelling UPS guys."

Arrow was toting a humungous bulging suitcase. Darren poked it. A sharp blade jutted through the fabric at his touch.

"What is in there?" Darren yelped.

"My armour and swords. There might be Vampaneze there, did you ever think of that?"

"They're not gonna let this stuff on the plane, you know."

"Oh yes they will. They wouldn't dare say no to a Prince."

Darren highly doubted that, but he didn't feel like wasting his time arguing with Arrow.

Paris was holding his medecine pouch, making sure he had all of his various pills.

"I didn't know Vampires took pills." Darren noted.

"What did you think kept me alive for 800 years?"

"Vampire blood?"

"I suppose that may have helped a little..." Paris responded disinterestedly.

Darren shrugged and went to help Harkat stuff his tiny snowsuit into his little blue backpack.

"I am...looking forward...to skiing!" Harkat said happily.

"I'm glad someone is."

"Although i am...wondering..." Harkat continued. "These...chair lifts...you mentioned...How high up...do they go?"

"Some of them go pretty high, the highest probably go about 50 feet above the ground, or more!" Darren answered. At that moment, Kurda called him over, so he never saw the nervous expression on Harkat's face.

"Darren, I need your opinion. Your totally honest opinion."

"Ok, for starters, I don't think you should be using Herbal Essecnences Body Envy shampoo, in fact, I think you should burn all of your hair products. Stop wearing colour contact lenses, lose those tight robes, and avoid wearing eyeliner at all costs."

"I meant your opinion on these hats - WHAT'S WRONG WITH MY EYELINER?"

"Back to the hats..." said Darren quickly. "Which ones were you thinking of bringing?"

"These." Kurda held up a basket of various hats, one was hot pink with a silver Roxy logo on it. One was black with silver studs. Another was yellow with pink elephants. There were long hats, wooly hats, Santa hats of various colours, even some square hats.

"HEY, THAT LOOKS FAMILIAR!" Darren yelled.

"I don't know what you're talking about." said Kurda, putting on the pink hat and examining himself in the mirror.

"Where did you get it?"

"eBay, of course. They were having a sale on all Roxy winter wear."

"NOT THE PINK ONE, THE ELEPHANT ONE!"

"I bought it on eBay."

"Really, 'cause it looks a lot like you hjacked Gavner's boxers and turned them into a hat."

Everyone stared at Kurda.

"I don't know what you're talking about!" Kurda yelled bravely, putting on the black studded hat.

"HEY!" Mika bellowed. "THAT WAS _MY_ BOXERS!" Mika jumped on Kurda and pinned him to the floor, wrestling the black studded hat from his grip.

"Let me see that pink hat again!" Mr. Crepsley yelled. Darren tossed it to him.

"Oh Kurda, you _did not_!" moaned Mr. Crepsley. "This used to be _Arra's underwear_!"

"What did you do, swipe everyone's pants and turn them into hats?" Paris gasped incredulously.

Kurda blushed furiously. "I used to teach Girl Guides...and...um...and one of the activities was "101 ways to make hats", and..." he mumbled his way into scilence.

The hall was silent, exept for Mr. Crepsley whimpering as he cuddled what used to be Arra's underwear.

Yet again, Darren regretted bringing the computer into Vampire Mountain.

He broke the awkward scilence. "We should get to bed, we have to wake up early tomorrow night."

Everyone left to go to their various coffins, keeping well away from Kurda and his basket of hats.

* * *

I knoow lame ending. Don't hate me! chapter 4 should be up within the next few days, I want to get the Gang going on their ski trip before I go on mine.

so you know what to do!

PRESS  
THE  
PURPLEY  
BLUEY  
BUTTON  
please?


	4. Road Trippin

here it is, chaptah 4! it starts off a little lame, but gets better towards he end. and i would like to take this opportunity to apologize to Kurda fans..you'll see why if you read on.

my wonderful reviewers:

**xXVampireXx**: yeh i've never been a big Kurda fan lol...can u tell? I declare this week (March 5th-12th) official Hug Larten Week. tell all your friends! lol you keep pressing that periwinkle button for me! you rox! xoxo

**AnyaTheRhymer:** glad you loved it! Arra and Gavner might just make appearances in the story, since it will be ongoing. keep reviewing darlin! and i am loving In and Out of Heartbreak! xoxo

**still-dreaming15**: glad to hear it "rox"! lol xoxo from **_rox_**ypony. haha my jokes are lame huh:) oh and i loved Vampires in Vegas!

**Kurda's Girl**, where are you? you gave me such a lovely first review ! OH NO did the polynomials eat you? i have a polynomial test tomorrow :( anywho if you're reading this, COME BACK SOON:)

you all make me smile! now **READ, REVIEW, and RECOMMEND!**

oh and check out Unwritten section at the bottom of my bio. lemme know what you think of my plot ideas! xxoo luv y'all!

* * *

BEEP! BEEP! BEEP! The alarm clock shattered the cold scilence of Vampire Mountain at 4:30 p.m. Darren leapt joyfully out of bed.

"Wakey wakey Harkat!" he shouted, shaking the Little Person.

"What...time...is...it...?" Harkat groaned tiredly.

"4:31"

"You...must...be...crazy..." he went back to sleep

After five minuites, Harket still had not gotten out of bed, so Darren picked him up ("Abuse!" Harkat shouted) and carried him downstarirs to the Living Room where the rest of the gang had congregated with their various baggage. Kurda stood dejectedly in the corner, dismally holding his only remaining hat, the pink elephant one. (The rest had been confiscated by their previous owners.) Darren dropped Harkat in a large chair, where the Little Person promptly went back to sleep. In fact, it seemed like almost everyone was on the verge of going back to sleep. Seba _was_ asleep, stretched out on his seven huge suitcases. Paris was sitting on the couch, taking random pictures of everyone. Mika was listening to his iPod with his eyes closed. Arrow was staring at the wall.

"So we're ready to go then?" Darren said, startling everyone.

Mumbling, everyone got up and started towards the door. Then...

_"WAIT FOR ME!"_

"About time you showed up, Mr. Crepsley."

"What do you mean, _about time_? I have decided to accompany you, but do not expect me to use those rediculous _skis"_ the redheaded Vampire scowled.

Darren chuckled. He would make sure that Mr. Crepsly would be the first one to try out the double black diamond hills. Whether he wanted to or not.

OK, do you all have your stuff? Skis?"

Eeveryone said "CHECK" except for Mika, who was staring expectantly at Darren.

Darren sighed. "Snowboards?"

"CHECK" said Mika loudly.

"Snowsuits?"

"CHECK"

"Hats?"

"...Check..." Nervous glances at Kurda.

"Cell phones!"

"CHECK"

"iPods!"

"CHECK"

"Can we...go now?" that was Harkat. "This is...getting...dull."

"Laptops?" Darren persisted.

"Check, now LETS GO!" Mika yelled. He bolted out the door, with everyone else not far behind.

"What now?" Darren asked as he saw everyone had gathered just outside the entrance.

"How are...we getting there?" Harkat wanted to know.

"Flitting, I already told you."

"How on earth do you expect us to flit when we are laden down with these obscenely large suitcases?" Mr. Crepsley grumbled.

For a moment Darren had no answer. Then...

"We'll take the abandoned UPS truck." Darren grinned at his own cleverness, but no one else did.

"Why can't we take a Cadillac Escalade?" Kurda whined. They seat like more then two people!"

"Tell you what, Kurda. If you can find a Cadillac Escalade anywhere around Vampire Mountain, you can drive it to the airport. But until you find one, you're cramming in with the rest of us." Darren said through gritted teeth.

Kurda looked blank for a moment, then said, "I don't get it."

Darren ignored the stereotypical blond and said to the others, "I'm driving. The rest of you can do rock, paper, scissors to see who rides up front with me. If you don't win, you can make yourself comfortable in the back."

Unfortunately, Vampires are not familiar with "rock, paper, scissors". Or "inky, pinky, ponky". Or "put your two cigarettes in". Or anything even remotely familliar.

So Darren used a method that he was sure all Vampires (and Little People) were used to: "Fight for it! Last guy standing gets the front seat."

The guys jumped on each other viciously. For almost 10 minuites, no one was winning, then Seba had a mild heart attack, and he collapsed dragging Kurda down with him, who squealed grabbed Paris's pants in an effort to stay on his feet. It didn't keep him standing, but everyone got a good view of Paris's...well you know what I mean. Mr. Creplsey screamed, covered his eyes, and ran directly into a tree, thus knocking himself down. Now only Mika, Arrow, and Harkat remained on their feet. Ignoring Harkat, Mika lunged at Arrow, who bodychecked him. Mika collapsed painfully, while Arrow did a victory dance. That is, until Harkat grabbed his legs and tipped him over.

"It appears...that I am...the last guy standing." Harkat noted. "Although I am unsure...whether I can be...classified as a guy."

"Close enough, Mulds. Now... lets...get...in...the...DAMN..._TRUCK_!"

"Wow, freak fest much?" Kurda bitched.

"You are THIS close to being tied to the roof for the entire ride." Darren snapped.

_Rawr_, Kurda thought.

It took almost 10 minuites of shoving and scrambling over each other and re-arranging luggage and much comlplaining before everyone was (somewhat) comfortably settled in. Harkat and Darren buckled themselves in, and prepared to leave, then...

"I have absolutely no idea how to drive."

The passengers in the back erupted into language much too intense for a T-rated story.

"May I...sit there...please?" You know who that was.

Within 15 nerve-wracking minuites, Harkat had maneuvered them onto a tiny trail through the forest.

"You know how to drive?"

"It seems I...do." Harkat smiled in a way only he could. "I guess I...drove in my...previous life."

Darren leaned back and made himself as comforatble as possible with numerous suitcases and various limbs surrounding him. Behind him, Mika was being pestered by Kurda who wanted to know "How do you get such natural shine in your hair?" ("Natural shine happens to people who don't use _dye._"came the grumbled reply.) Seba was recovering from his heart attack by indulging in his supply of waffles. Paris was still taking pictures of everyone and everything. Arrow had his laptop out and was instant-messaging Mr. Crepsley, who was sitting about four feet away.

arrow01 says: sup creps

Lcreps says: Do you know how much longer it is until we arrive and can get out of this rediculously cramped truck? It smells like sardines and waffles!

arrow01 says: wtf

Lcreps says: What does that mean?

(Arrow tells Mr. Crepsley exactly what "wtf" means)

**Lcreps has signed out.**

Darren pulled out his laptop, and began a long, juicy e-mail to Debbie...Then without warning...

"DARREN! DARREN! DARREN! DAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARREN!"

"WHAT NOW KURDA?"

"I gotta pee. Like reeeeal bad. And I think i might be motion sick. Just a little, or maybe more than a little. I donno, it feels like a cold, slimy worm is crawling out of my stomach, do you get that feeling when you get motion sick? I've never been motion sick before, unless you count right now, and - Hey good news! I don't have to pee anymore!"

There was a scuffle as everone tried to get as far away from Kurda as they could.

"I see a...what do you call it? ... Gas station?...Up ahead." Harkat said hopefully.

"The first good thing that's happened today." Darren scowled.

Even before they stopped, Mika, Kurda, Larten, Paris, Arrow, and Seba piled out of the truck and stampeded into the gas station. As the cashier watched the Vampires kill each other for the only bathroom, Harkat crept in and made off with an unpacked box of assorted candy.

Darren took this opportunity to take a video of the madness, and also to regret bringing the Computer into Vampire Mounatin.

Half an hour later, the gang was on the road again, loaded up with supplies. Darren was shocked to learn that the average Vampire has never eaten Rolo Cones, Doritos, Coffee Crisp bars, or Gatorade. And when you eat all these things in large quantities for the first time, you tend to get a little hyper.

"How much farther...to the airport?" Harkat asked.

"Not too long, maybe about 10 minu-THERE'S THE TURN-OFF!" Darren yelled as they passed the large sign that Harkat could evidently not read.

Harkat veered onto the smaller road that led off the busy highway they were on. There were yells of complaint as he passengers in the back fell into the side of the van.

The remaining 10 minuites of the ride passed uneventfully, unless you counted Paris taking more random and extremely annoying pictures of everyone.

"How can you take pictures of Vampires on that thing?" Darren inquired.

"I just changed the setting to "Vampire Mode".

"But Vampires can't be photographed."

"That was _old_ technology."

Darren had no comment. Just then,

"We're...here!"

The back door of the UPS truck was broken off it's hinges as six large vampires and at least 20 different pieces of baggage tumbled out the back. Darren and Harkat climbed out slightly more calmly toting their small backpacks. Once their bags were checked inside the airport...

"Where the hell are we supposed to go?"

"No idea."

"There must be at lease a hundred frigging metal flying thingers here. Which one do we get on?"

"WHO'S IDEA WAS THIS?"

Everyone looked at Darren, of course.

Darren opened his mouth to respond, when suddenly a voice cracked over the P.A. system, startling Kurda and causing him to leap into Mika's arms. Mika dropped him unceremoniously.

"Flight 147 to Quebec is now boarding. Repeat, flight 147 to Quebec is boarding at gate 27."

_"RUN!" _Darren yelled.

The gang stampeded through the airport, causing alarm among the various travellers that were still awake at 1 am.

"This is making me sweat!" moaned Kurda.

Arrow knocked him down.

"Last call for passengers boarding flight 147 to Quebec." said the voice over the P.A.

_"NO!"_ Darren cried. They would never make it in time.

Just then, he heard a little siren... like the ones on those golf carts important people ride through airports. The security guards had caught up with them. The ski trip was doomed. The cart stopped in front of them.

"We're gonna miss our flight, officer!" Darren pleaded.

But it wasn't a security guard behind the wheel...

"Mulds, I have never been so happy to see you."

"Not even when...I saved you...from the Blooded Boar?"

"I guess that might have come close..."

_"JUST...JUMP...IN!"_

The Vampires piled into the cart, with Mr. Crepsley clinging to the roof and complaining. Harkat floored it to almost 80 mph, swerving around corners and expertly dodging people. They screeched to a stop right at gate 27, and booted it onto the plane. Darren chuckled as he reaslised that they had somehow avoided customs. Looked like Arrow's swords were going to Quebec after all. Soon everyone was settled in and comfortable, as though their mad dash through the airport had never happened. Seba was snoozing lightly, Mr. Crepsley was watching the little TV in the back of the seat in front of him. Mika was listening to his iPod. Arrow was on his laptop. Paris was still taking pictures. Kurda was re-styling his hair. Harkat was eating a Coffee Crisp bar. They looked so peaceful. Darren smiled, pulled out his camera and took a picture of his friends. Then he pulled out his own laptop.

**Darren's Blog, March 5th, 2:30 am:**

_Maybe smuggling the Computer into Vampire Mounatin hadn't been such a bad idea after all._

Then, suddenly: _"This is your pilot speaking. We will be taking off now. Please fasten all seatbelts."_

The plane began to move, releasing a barrage of complaints from the Vampires. Then it picked up speed, terrifying Kurda. When they reached maximum height, Kurda leaned back into his seat, and for a moment, it looked like he would be OK, then he picked up his air sickness bag and...

**Darren's Blog, March 5th, 2:35 am:**

_That last thing i said? Never mind..._

* * *

i know the Vampire Mode part was so lame...dont kill me...  
today is another snowday so i hope to start chap5 today, maybe post it tonight or tomorrow. only one more day of school till march break, so ill have oodles of time.

now get pressing that **_PERIWINKLE_** button! (lol xXVampireXx)


	5. Taste of Snow

**ITS OFFICIALLY _HUG LARTEN MONTH_!  
TELL ALL YOUR FRIENDS AND GIVE LARTEN A GREAT BIG HUG! **(it used to be Hug Larten _Week_, but a week is simply not long enough for the wonderful Mr. C)

A/N: Not much to say, exept i'm leaving on March 8th to go skiing in Quebec, so no updates for at least 6 days :'( i promise ill work extra hard when i get back! hope you understand. this chappie is medium length, not my favourite so far, but its not too bad. sorry if the ending for this chap is lame, i just got back from a skating show and i am TIRED. but i won an award for "most improved intermediate of 07/08", so no complaints here :)

**random question of the day:**  
any of you watch American Idol? if so, which guy/girl is your favourite? lemme know...mine are carly smithson and david cook. shes so pretty and hes so damn hawtt! i cannot get over how much randy, paula, and simon remind me of arrow, paris, and mika...

so where were we? of yeah, fan fiction :P read, reviw, and reccomend!

dearest reviewers

**physcodramabeautyfish**: lmfao i have no idea what goes on at girl scouts, but if they actually do make hats out of undies, we should alert the police, cuz that just aint right. (specially when they steal them from arra and gavner!)  
of course ill keep writing! i am loving this story and i am loving the reviwers:) xoxo

**xXVampireXx: **its such a wonderful idea, i decided to make Hug Larten Week last all through March:P hug PERIWINKLE is gonna be offcial colour of Hug Larten month. or should it be RED, like his cloak? what do you think:) xoxo we all ROX!

**happyazngirl:** eBay has EVERYTHING, just ask the Vampire Mounatin gang:) lol sooo glad you're enjoying! xoxo

thats right folks, to get your name up here, all you gotta do is press that periwinkle button.

* * *

The plane trip passed unusually uneventfully. Kurda had been hitting on an airline attendant for the whole ride, Harkat's robes accidentaly got stuck in the toilet when he flushed, and he had to call for assistance, Darren finished a 10-page blog, then Seba thought it would be a brilliant joke to delete the entire thing. Everyone was extremely bored. Finally, the pilot announced that it was time to land. As they descended Earth, the plane was buffeted by fierce Canadian winds. The plane touched down on the runway and evevntually vroomed to a stop after a few tense minuites. Mika freaked out as Kurda lost his lunch into yet another air sickness bag. The second the pilot gave the passengers the OK to begin exiting the aircraft in an orderly fashion, the Vampires leaped over their seats and vacated the plane as fast as they could. Then, after several adventures involving an escalator, a decorative water fountain, and Kurda taking a ride on the baggage pick-up conveyor thingy, they were standing in front of the Rent-A-Car station.

"Can we rent a Cadillac Escalde? Please? Please? Please? Pleeeeeaaaaaassssseeee? Please with fresh blood on top?" (He said this rather loudly, causing passers-by to stare.)

"I guess..." Darren mumbled, but he was secretly delighted at the thought of pulling up at the Resort in an Escalade. He just didn't want to agree with Kurda.

Once Darren had paid for the new wheels on his shiny new credit card, (ordered on eBay, of course) they were on the road again. Accomodations were slightly more comfortable, since the Escalade sat 7 people. Harkat, unfortunately, had to be smuggled in the trunk. With a fresh supply of junk food, everyone was feeling good as they pulled up at Golden Horseshoe Ski Resort.

"Alright, rooms are expensive, so we're buddying up." Darren informed his gang. "It's going to be me and Harkat, Mr. Crepsley and Seba, Paris and Arrow, and Mika and...Kurda."

Everyone stared in sympathy at Mika, who stared at his feet and tried hard not to cry.

"Woohoo! This is gonna be fun, just me and my ol' buddy Mikers! We can stay up late, tell ghost stories, and style each other's hair!" Kurda enthused.

"You make one move towards my hair, and you're sleeping in the bathtub. If your skin comes in contact with mine, or my stuff, you are sleeping in the toilet. Are we clear?" Mika growled.

"Super clear!" said Kurda cheerily.

They went up to their rooms to unpack.

In Mika and Kurda's (well mostly Mika's) room, Mika selected the bed closer to the door, in case he had to make a quick getaway from the Stereotypical Blonde. He organized his stuff in the corner of the room, near his bed, and out of Kurda's view. Kurda immediatly whipped out a bottle of Britney Spears perfume. He got one good spray in before Mika flitted over, snatched the perfume, and crushed it into powder with his bare hand. That was the end of that. Mika locked his stuff in his suitcase, slid it under the bed, and ditched Kurda to go hang out with someone -anyone! - else.

He ambled in the direction of Paris and Arrow's room. Just before he opened the door, he heard from inside the room...

"Arrow, do you smell...Britney Spears?"

Mika sniffed his hand, the hand he'd used to crush Kurda's perfume. The stench assaulted his nose, and he spent the next 45 minuites in the shower, with Kurda banging the door and complaing that he needed to use his hair straightener.

Since the Vampire Mounatin crew had two full weeks at the resort, they spent the first day unpacking, settling in, and enjoying the restaurant, the vending machines, and (in Kurda's case) the "darling!" little boutiques.

Arrow, Harkat, and Paris were having a great time shoving coins into the slots of the vending machines, punching random buttons, and collecting their prizes when they emeged from the depths of the mysterious and wonderful machine. Mr. Crepsley was keeping himself busy wandering through the village sampling various cups of coffee. So far his favourite was "Gourmet Alpine Cinnasplash", found at a little cafe called Maurice's. Seba did crossword puzzles in the newspaper. Darren skiied, but he was the only one. Mika occupied himself by remaining as far away as possible from Kurda.

In their rooms before going to bed on the first day.

**littleD has signed in**

**Lcreps has signed in**

**MVLmvp has signed in**

**Se_Nile has signed in**

**KissThis4KS has signed in**

**arrow01 has signed in**

**ImOld has signed in**

littleD says: hey um guys, what did we come here to do again?

Lcreps says: But Darren, we're having fun not skiing!

littleD says: no buts were skiing tomorrow whether u like it or not. well meet outside the chalet n ill show u how to put ur skis on. BE THERE. I AM A PRINCE. MY WORD IS LAW.

**littleD has signed out**

MVLmvp says: paris & arrow, WHAT WERE WE THINKING MAKING THIS KID A PRINCE?

ImOld says: well i did have a bit of wine before we made the descision...

MVLmvp says: DAMMIT PARIS!

Se_Nile says: im looking forwards to skiing actually.

Lcreps says: Seba! I thought you were on my side...:'(

LuvinMySpiders says : w/e

**Lcreps has signed out**

KissThis4KS says: oommgg i sooo cant waitt 2 try outt my new skiiss! the colour matches my hat perfectlyy! its gonna b sooooo funnnnn!

MVLmvp says: go die in a hole you creep

KissThis4KS says: o mikaa u dont have 2 feel jealouss! i understand thatt my success has made u feel kinda immasculated, but we can work thru it buddyy!

MVLmvp says: guess whos sleeping in the toilet tonight you ass.

KissThis4KS: OOOWWWWWWWWWWW MIKA THREW A PILLOWW AT MEEE!

arrow01 says: LIKE OMG KURDA! what a HORRIBLE guy! mika should be locked up! lets all shun mika! make mika sleep in the toilet! make him suffer for what he did to you:O THROW IT BACK AT HIM!

MVLmvp says: WOW that one hurt. i think i am emotionally damaged. i just might never recover from that one. i dont know how you can be so cruel. YAWN

KissThis4KS says: well thatss whatt u gett 4 messin wit teh K-MAN!

MVLmvp says: well see ya. and kurda, kindly turn your night light off so i can get some sleep?

KissThis4KS says: buut im scaredd of teh darkk!

MVLmvp says: you call yourself a vampire?

KissThis4KS says: MIKA SMASHEDD MY NIGHT LIGHTT:'( :'( :'( :'(

MVLmvp says: ...hasta la vista baby!

**MVLmvp has signed out**

The next day...

Everyone had slept all right, even Mika, who had been rudely awakened by Kurda attempting to put gel in his hair. After, Kurda had indeed slept in the bathroom behind a locked door. Harkat didn't need much sleep, so he spent the night at his favourite vanding machine, experimenting until he figured out how to get absolutely free candy. But now the moment was finally here: the Vampires were putting their skis on for the first time. Suprisingly, few problems were encountered at this stage. Now on to the chair lift.

"OK. Just wait until the lift is right behind you, then just sit down quickly." Darren instructed. "Harkat, Mr. Crepsley, you come with me."

Harkat and Larten didn't encounter any problems, but as Kurda, Mika and Arrow were waiting for their lift, it appeared to be coming awfully fast, and Kurda didn't like the look of that... He sidestepped, trying to get out of the way, but the lift caught him and dragged him all the way to the large concrete post that held the lift up. He fell off, as Mika and Arrow were almost wetting themselves with laughter. He had better luck next time. No one else had any difficulties, which made Kurda feel extremely embarrassed. Of course, he was also afraid to get off, and ended up going around three times until he was eventually dragged off by two grumpy lift operators. But riding the lift was the easy part. Now came the hard part: going down the hill. After Darren demonstrated the Snowplow and the correct way to stop and turn, he set the gang loose. This time, Kurda wasn't the only one with problems, Seba cruised smack into the forest, Mr. Crepsley attempted to snowplow, but succeeded only in crossing his skis over top of each other. Nedless to say, this situation did not end well. Paris tripped over Mr. Crepsley, and flew about 5 feet into the air and crash landed directly in front of Mika, who had to swerve to avoid him. He managed to leave Paris unharmed, but the sharp turn caused him to fly off his snowboard. He landed in a bright orange snow fence and instantly became hopelessly tangled. Kurda sqeaked carefully down the hill at approximately point-five mph.

Eventually, everyone arrived at the bottom of the hill in one piece.

"Better than I expected for your first try." said Darren truthfully. "Let's go up again, this time we can try to snowplow less and turn more when we go down."

But all Darren could see were his friend's retreating backs as the returned tiredly to the Chalet.

Darren regretted bringing the damn computer to Vampire Mounatin.

* * *

_meh_, is my opinion on that chapter... so what's your faverit chapter been so far? lemme know in a REVIEW! and feel free to answer my Question of the Day. ill update sometime soon after march 12! hope you all have a fun march break, spring break, reading week, or if its just a normal, week, enjoy that!

love you all! kisshug RoxyPonyyy

**_AND HAPPY HUG LARTEN MONTH! SPREAD THE NEWS IF YOU THINK LARTEN ROX!_**! (damn feels good to invent your own holiday. think we could get time off from school for this?)


	6. Room Service and Hills of Death

AN: due to bad weather, we postponed our ski vacation for a day, so i got some time to crank out one more chappie! but this really is the last one until thursday.

**xXVampireXx:** OMG REALLY? its like an insider joke between me and 2 of my friends! we were making a movie and we had to make sure my camera worked, so i turned it on and said the first thing that came into my head: GO DIE IN A HOLE! my friends thought it was friggin hilarious, so we adde special effects and put in on youtube. :P LMAFO i downloaded that song, and yes it is so perfect! im gonna find a way to incorporate it into the story later...Vampire Mounatin Idol, perhaps? xoxo

**DdimOndFi: **glad you're enjoying! yeppers im definitley gonna write LOTS more :) xoxo

**AnyaTheRhymer: **:O don't be in a coma! how can you send me lovely reviews if you're in a coma? lol :P xoxo

now onto the story...

* * *

Day three began with Darren running through the hall banging on his friend's doors, disguising his voice and yelling "FREE ROOM SERVICE!" because after yesterday's skiing experience, he doubted they'd open the doors if they knew it was him. Unfortunately, they could see right through it.

In Kurda and Mika's room, Mika was already awake, surfing the internet on his laptop and ignoring Darren.

"Mikaaaaaaaaa! What's room service?" _Damn_. Kurda had woken up.

"It's food, but that's not room service, that's just Darren being himself."

"I want _real _room service"

Mika picked up the cordless phone and chucked it at Kurda's head.

Outside, Darren wa tired of being ignored, so he bodychecked a door in frustration. It cracked in two. But unfortunately, the people behind the door were complete strangers, staring at Darren in shock.

"Hehe...Room service?" Darren sqeaked. Then he ran for his life.

Mr. Crepsley and Seba were just waking up, when their doorknob and lock were ripped off, the door flew open, and Darren raced in and slid under the bed, mumbling something that sounded like "THEY'RE COMING TO GET ME!" He poked his head out and stated, "They'll never take me alive!"

"Of course they will not, Darren" said Mr. Crepsley rather boredly. "Now how do you get Room Service?"

"Oh, that's easy. Here, gimme the phone."

Ten minuites later, each were sipping Cinnasplash Coffee straight from the Chalet. Unfortunatley, Room Service was not going quite as well in the room across the hall...

Kurda was completely baffled by the phone. At first, he didn't like the way the screen was eerily glowing. Eventually he worked up the courage to press a few buttons. Enjoying the sound it made, he pushed several more. And several more. Suddenly, a voice at the other end said something in Chinese.

"I'd like some Room Service, please." Kurda said confidently.

The voice at the other end said something indecipherable.

"Wanna talk to my best friend Mika?"

The voice gabbled in Chinese again.

"Is that a no? Mika's soooo funny! He always pretends to hate me. Hello? HE HUNG UP!" Kurda sounded betrayed and depressed beyond reason. The he whined, "Mika, you order room service."

Mika expertly punched a few numbers, then said "BLT. Extra B, easy on the L. And hold the T. Actually, hold the L too. Just gimme lots and lots of B. And an extra large chocolate milk. And throw in a steak. Make it snappy."

"You didn't order anything for me?" Kurda moaned.

"I'm sorry, but I doubt this hotel makes baby food."

Kurda whimpered and flung a pillow at Mika, who took no notice.

After a Room Service breakfast, the gang congregated outside and strapped on their skis for round two. They made it on the four-person-per-chair lift with minimal difficulties. When they arrived at the top, they prepared to go down the green dot hill, but then Harkat spied a cute forest path nearby.

"Lets try...that one."

It looked fairly easy, so they made their way over. At first it was easy going, much easier then the green dot hill. They were even getting more confident on their skis. Mr. Crepsley was going faster than everyone, and was soon in the lead. Then, he darted around the corner and out of view. There was a shrill, terrified scream. As the others turned the corner, they saw why: The cute, flat little forest path suddenly steepened into an almost vertical, mogul-infested, icy double-black-diamond, experts-only monster. And 8 inexperienced Vampires had just been launched right into it. No escape. No turn-offs. To steep to snowplow, let alone stop. And it was 6 kilometres until flat ground.

Darren regretted installing the damn computer as he whizzed over some moguls, catching huge air. Seba, who was not yet good at steering, got himself launched 10 feet into the air after zooming up an enormous jump. Miraculously he landed without wiping out. Nearby, Mika was effortlessly and sexily riding every jump he could get at. Mr. Crepsley attempted to turn, but succeeding only in turning himself backwards. At about 80 mph. Harkat was crouched in a little ball, shooting down the center of the hill in a dead straight line. Arrow was racing Mika. Paris was covering his eyes and screaming. Darren realised that he was speeding straight towards a 20 foot high jump, with a sheer drop on the far side. He cleared the top and felt himself lift off into orbit. He closed his eyes and waited for the end. He heard a smacking sound of skis hitting snow and he heard himself scream. He felt a pain in his knees. Pain? You have to be alive to feel pain, right? He opened his eyes. He was alive! But now was no time to be thankful; a patch of moguls were looming in front of him. He cleared one, two, three, four, five, and he landed. Still alive! Suddenly the monster hill was welcoming. He soared over jump after jump, losing fear. Mr. Crepsley accompanied him over some of them. Mika was by his side constantly, trying to be faster, to jump higher. Harkat hit the smaller moguls, but got huge air. Darren, Mika, Arrow, and Mr. Crepsley worked the half-pipe, with Harkat, Seba, Paris, and Kurda whizzing down on either side. Then they cleared the half-pipe, and the hill steepend into a near-vertical line. It was over. They wouldn't survive this one, it was damn near convex! He was going down, not going to make it, yelling his good-byes to the others-

And it was over. The ground was flat again. He was lying on it, facedown in the snow. He looked up in time to see Mika crash inches away from him, followed closely by Arrow, Mr. Crepsley, Harkat, Paris, and even Kurda. Every single one had survived the hill without a single wipe out.

"Is anyone alive?" Darren groaned.

"My stomach is back at that first turn." grumbled Mr. Crepsley.

Everyone else was in shock, staring at the sky. Or the ground. Or whosever's coat their face was smashed into.

There was a gasp of horror from Kurda. "I think...I lost...my hairbrush." He looked like he'd seen a ghost, he was that terrified.

And everybody laughed. Not a giggle, or a chucke, a hard, unrestrained, from-the-gut, shake-your-whole-body kind of laugh. And they were still laughing as Resort Personnell shouted at them to "untangle themselves and get the hell out of the way!"

They'd had enough skiing for the day, but they each knew deep down that tomorrow they wouldn't be so reluctant.

And Darren didn't regret bringing the Computer to Vampire Mounatin.

* * *

too short! lame action sequence! lame ending! dont kill me! the ending part was supposed to be the gang kinda coming together and beginning to enjoy their vacation for the first time. meh...

you know what do do, REVIEW and RECCOMEND!

and dont forget, it's **_HUG LARTEN MONTH_**!


	7. Le Petit Hnjkfjgkg

AN: Long wait! I know, im sooooo sorry! Mainly cuz i was busy all March Break, then when school started again, i was busy watching American Idol (go David Cook!) and doing less homework than i should have. My ski trip was quite fun, and i got a lot of inspirations for The Vampire Files!

**AnyaTheRhymer**: aawww that one warmed my heart! im sorry you had to be vegetative (cool word) for so long waiting for this update! xoxo

**xXVampireXx:** lmfao yeh its such a great saying! oh yeah, poor mr.C needs a hug more than ever! but darren said he'd be the first one to go on a double black diamnd hill, and he was! glad you like the idea of Vampire Mountain Idol, i like it too! does anyone else? xoxo

**Merry Wanderer of the Night: **Thankies! So glad you like :D i had a great time, thanks for asking :) xoxo

**Saya3427**: nervous fliers? omg i totally forgot about that! dont kill me! lol oh well, kurda was scared, at least :P yep i love writing scenes where kurda pisses mika off! although im starting to feel sorry for poor mika..xoxo thankss!

**PeridotTears: **OMG VAMPIRES CANT GO IN THE SUNLIGHT I TOTALLY FORGOT! AHH! jumps out window, lands on trampoline, bounces back up to computer roomyikes ive overlooked 2 important vampire traits in this story..O.o..dont hate me! i promise ill get it right in my non-humour stories (which are yet to be written btw)!  
lol seba and larten are so hilarious :P thanx darlin! xoxo

**Haze67**: squeal of delight thanks! This one took longer to update than most times, ill try not to make you wait anymores! xoxo :)

**Elenafromthewoods**: hello again :P so glad you like, im lovin your christmas story, do keep that one going! XD xoxo

i love you all! keep reviewing, it makes my day! :D

now onto the story, and READ REVIW AND RECCOMEND!

* * *

After their intense ride down the Evil Hill (as Harkat called it) the Vampire Mountain gang trekked down to a restaurant in the village which they hadn't yet visited. It was called "Le Petit (french word nobody could pronounce or spell)".

Inside the Le Petit hffjfgkgjgj, various rich tourists, couples, and families were enjoying their fancy expensive meals when the door opened (or was kicked open forcefully) to reveal 6 big guys, 1 scraggly boy, and a very short person wearing sunglasses that covered his entire face. The customers of Le Petit jdkjfkjkkvd gave them the "How-dare-you-interrupt-our-insanely-overpriced-petit-dinners" look.

With Mika in the lead, the crew ignored Darren's protests and knocked over the prim "Please Wait to be Seated" sign and plonked their butts down in a long booth with velvet-covered chairs, flicking away the "RESERVED" sign. Sighing, Darren seated himself between Kurda and Harkat. A nervous-looking waiter soon appeared with cute, small basket of petit bread and an armload of menus. Arrow, Mika, and Harkat each attempted to grab the bread basket, causing a loud scuffle and alarming nearby customers.

Trying to remain calm, the petit waiter inquired "May I bring you some beverages?"

"BLOOD!" yelled everyone but Harkat and Darren.

Le petit waiter looked shocked and terrified.

"What they mean is _beer_." Darren intervened. "We call beer blood..it's our..um..insider joke. And i want a chocolate milk." he finished lamely.

The waiter nervously wrote that down, then asked Harkat what he wanted to drink.

"Some 1981 vintage Merlot..please."

Le petit waiter scurried away with their order. Kurda picked up the menu and flicked through.

"Miiiikaaaaaaaaaa! I don't know what any of this stuff is!"

"Kurda, you asswipe, it's all-" He picked up his own menu. "-What the HELL is _carrapacio_?

"It's...' Darren examined the menu. "Seared elk sprinkled with -I can't pronounce that- cheese and basted with mushroom broth."

"EWWY GOOEY!" Kurda commented.

"I do not see anything on this menu that is not coated in various forms of vegetables." added Mr. Crepsley.

"Screw this joint..where's the nearest..McDonalds?" Harkat grumbled.

At that moment, Le Petit Waiter made his return. No one had chosen anything to eat, but Darren had an idea, as usual.

"Three extra large pizzas, _EXTRA_ **EXTRA** **_EXTRA _**pepperoni, bacon, and sausage. No vegetables or cheese."

Le Petit frowned but wrote down their order and left.

Ordering was the easy part. Now came the excruciating part - _waiting._

"Daaaaaaarren! What's pizza" said a certain Stereotypical Blonde.

"It's food."

"Oh, OK." said Kurda contentedly, and he went back to braiding a strand of hair.

Several moments later, Mika yelped and flinched.

"Mika, if you have to go to the bathroom, just say so." Darren informed him.

"It's not that." Mika grunted. "Kurda's hair just touched my face."

"There are..therapeutic groups..that can help you..recover." Harkat said kindly

Mika grimaced. "I think I can feel bacteria on my face."

"Might wanna see what ingredients are in that stylin' crap he uses. You might need radiation or something to stop the infection from spreading." Arrow noted wisely.

"Theeeey're _bullying_ meeeeee!" Kurda complained to no one in particular, even though he had no idea what the hell Arrow was talking about.

Where was the damn pizza?

10 minuites later, everyone had lapsed into a boredom-induced near-comatose state. Mika, Arrow, and Harkat were having a Vortex tournament on their iPods. Kurda had hijacked some crayons and a childrens menu and was drawing flowers and butterflies. Paris was making a virtual tour of the restaurant on his video camera and pausing to interview random people, most of who ingored him. Mr. Crepsley and Seba were enjoying their beer. Suddenly..

"PIZZA'S HERE!"

Without even pausing to look at the meat-loaded pizza, the Vampire gang scarfed down the pizza, pausing only to belch loudly, then congratulate each other. Darren wanted to shrivel up and blow away from embarassment. Why, oh why had he brought the computer into Vampire Mountain?

"Bill please!" Darren squeaked as the waiter tiptoed by.

"Bill?" Kurda inquired.

"We have to pay for the food, you retard."

Everyone looked up in horror.

"Pay for the food? What kind of sick animals are these humans?" Mika snorted.

"I REFUSE TO SUPPORT THIS ABOMINATION!" Seba shrieked.

"Why should we pay for what keeps us alive?" Mr. Crepsley added philosophically.

Now everyone in Le Petit gnjnvcgkgkbs was staring at the Vampires.

"Why don't we just like..leave?" was prehaps the most intelligent thing Kurda had ever said.

"Yeeeah. Mission Impossible style!" Darren added. "Anyone see any waiters?"

"Nope, I think they're all hiding."

"Wimps."

"Cowards!"

"_PANSIES!_"

"Alrighty then. We go. But if anyone sees a waiter, stop drop, and make like a penguin towards the door." Darren instructed.

The gang began to creep out of their booth one by one. Then -EEK- a waiter appeared out of the kitchen. The Vampires immediately dropped and rolled behind the tables towards the door. Lying at the foot of the door, Darren reached up, turned the fancy petit handle, and unleashed the 8 creatures of the night.

The Vampires ran for their lives through the cute resort village, causing tourists to scatter for fear of their safety. The waiters bellowed after them in furious French, only causing them to run faster.

"Slow down!" Kurda begged. "I wanna window-shop!"

"Window-shop _this_, Barbie!" Arrow grumbled, knocking Kurda down like he'd done in the mad dash through the airport.

The gang made a sharp turn down a dark, deserted alley where the collapsed panting into the snow.

"Woo..hoo.." wheezed Harkat.

"What a rush.." Mika commented breathlessly.

"Hey, Kurda, why aren't you whining about how the sweat is clogging your pores?" Darren asked, then he noticed that the group was minus a certain sterotypical blond.

"We lost Kurda?" Mika exclaimed, not bothering to hide his joy.

"Unfortunately, we're going to have to find him, or he'll sulk and do the Britney Spears pout."

The only thing worse than a not-shutting-up Kurda was a pouty Kurda. Especially if he's been re-watching Britney videos and practicing in the mirror..

Let's just go to the candy store to buy some chips so we can go back to our rooms and watch movies. Kurda is better off lost!" Arrow argued.

"Speaking of lost..where the hell are we?" Seba added.

"Well, Le Petit Whatever is over there," (Darren pointed vaguely) "Or kinda over there.." (Pointed in the opposite direction.) "The chalet is somewhere over there..And I think we must have turned right at the rental shop..or was it left?.I think I can smell beaver tails coming from that direction..so the candy store should be over there too..but then again, there must be at lease 10 beaver tail cafes here..I have no idea where we are!" he concluded.

"Let's..phone Kurda." Harkat contributed grudgingly. "Maybe he's had..the sense not to..get lost."

"That nutcase has been lost ever since birth." Mika scoffed. "He still sleeps with a _night light_! We should vote him out of Vampire Mounatin as soon as we get home."

Paris smiled. "Mika, deep down, _way _down, I know you see Kurda as a friend. We've all been through so much together, there will be no voting others off Vampire Mountain. Whatever that means."

Mika stared long and hard at Paris. "I guess you haven't seen American Idol, huh?"

"Phone Kurda." Paris instructed threateningly.

Mika gave Paris the evilest eyes and miserably dialed Kurda's number on his sleek black cell phone.

"Hey freak..What? No, that was Arrow who knocked you over. But only because he beat me to it-WHAT DO YOU MEAN, YOU'RE LOST? Ok..where are you? No retard, I mean what stores are you near? The Dollhouse? No, I don't know where that one is..YOU CAN BUY A FUSCHIA THONG LATER! What? Kurda? HE HUNG UP! Oh, and Arrow, brace yourself for the Silent Treatment for the next few days."

Facepalms from Larten, Darren, Seba, Paris and Arrow.

"I'll try.." said Harkat, ever patient, taking out his lime green phone. "Hello..Kurda? It's Harkat..Mika said to..apologize, and that you can..buy as many..fuschia things as you want..What's that? Oh, _thongs_, not _things_..I'm sorry..Could you tell us where The..Dollhouse is? Thanks! See you..soon! "Toodles" to you too.." Harkat clicked the phone shut. "He's right next..to the giant clock!" He added triumphantly.

Darren hopped onto Larten's back and Harkat piggybacked on Mika and they flitted over to the Giant Clock, and -gasps of horror- The Dollhouse.

The Dollhouse was black, pink, and lime green monster with flashing neon lights and underdressed cashiers and customers. The Vampires plus Harkat congregated outside and tried to decide who they would send into the Hellhouse.

"I think Mika should go in." Said Harkat.

"Make me!"

"Harkat can't "make you," but I, as your senior Prince, most certainley can!" said Paris. "You can walk in, or we can push you in. It's your choice. Besides, you owe Kurda an apology."

"I hate you all." Mika glared, but stepped into the store. Then he yelled, "KURDA! GET YOUR ASS OVER HERE!"

The Stereotypical Blond came hurrying over, clutching a tiny pink shopping bag, with several cashiers scurrying after him.

"I have to leave you now, my darlings." Kurda moaned to the ladies. But they weren't looking at Kurda, all overly-made-up eyes were on Mika Ver Leth.

"Shoo." said Mika coldly.

Squealing with delight, the ladies retreated into the store.

And the Vampire Gang retreated to their rooms (pausing only to buy chips) feeling that they'd done enough damage for one night.

* * *

**HAPPY HUG LARTEN MONTH**!

and hope you all have wonderful Easters, or whatever other holidays you happen to celebrate! and if you don't have a holiday this weekend, Larten could use another hug! hugs larten  
Larten: owchie!  
Mika: and dont forget..  
Arrow: REVIEW!  
Paris: RECCOMEND!  
Mika: i was actually going to say that i could use a hug too..  
Roxypony: *hugs Mika*  
Paris and Arrow: *look dissapointed*  
Roxy: aaawww GROUP HUG!  
Mika, Larten, Paris, Arrow, Seba, Harkat, Kurda, Darren,Roxy, xXVampireXx, Anya, Merry Wanderer, Haze67, Peridot Tears, Saya 3427 and Elena: GROUP HUG  
(if i forgot anyone, lemme know!)

if you want in on the group hug, you know what to do! press that there periwinkle button!

xoxoROXYPONY


	8. Part 1: the Valley of Doom

(LIGHTS UP)

Darren: **Guess what?** Roxy's letting _us_ do the AN this week! :D

Harkat: She wishes to...apologize for a...long wait.

Kurda: And she so totally hopes you enjoy this chapter!

Mika: (pushes Kurda out of the way, takes deep breath to say something)

Arrow: No, lemme tell this part! (looks excited) I have my very own story all about me!

Mika: (grumbles) And me...

Arrow: Are you in the first chapter? NO!

Mika: Yes I am! I'm in the very last scentence, and Rox promised me TONS more parts in chapter 2!

Arrow: Anywho, chap 1 went up the other day, and Roxy would like to thank it's only reviwer so far, **Elenafromthewoods**!

Mika: And now for Replies, the part of the show where Roxy posts your name in bold and replies to your review!

Kurda: OMG can we make a sign for it? Like, with stick on jewels and stuff?

Seba: (pushes Kurda out of the way, waving paper where Roxy wrote down her replies)

**MioneRocks, **Roxy has told me to tell you that _"Life isn't long enough for the Vampires to do enough damage,"_ then she wrote _"lol"._ I do not know what lol means, but I assume you know what she is talking about. Then she wrote _"xoxo"_ and she hopes you will continue to read and review.  
**Saya3427, **Roxy has written _"LMFAO"._ I do not know what that means either. Then she wrote,_ "Poor_ _Gavner :P"_ Poor Gavner? What did you do to Gavner? Then she wrote _"jk, I'm sure you two were made for each other_." I'm not liking where this is going...

Darren: Get on with it, Seba! There are still 5 more reviewers to reply to!

Seba: OK, then she said _"xoxo, hope you enjoy this chapter!"_ Happy now, Darren?

Darren: (snatches paper)  
"**CocoLime:** _Thanks for the suggestions! I am good at skiing dangerously fast, and i can do small jumps, but i haven't figured out spins yet :P i'd like to try sonowboarding sometime tho, looks like big fun! maybe mika can teach me how, lmfao. and i made the hats thing up myself, during math class of course. who wants to do equations when you have fan fics to think about? as for the french, my parents tell me im good with languages and should continue taking it. i guess they didn't read my report card after all...:P (jk) ...lol keep reviewing xoxo" _(to Seba) THAT'S how you read a reply. Now who's next...  
**PeridotTears: **_"lmao the waiter i saw in quebec was kinda shortish, but he looked so cool with his tux and petit_ _bowtie :P xoxo"  
_**AnyaTheRhymer:** _"i totally understand...in quebec there were a lot of signs in english but it was mostly french! my 6 year old cousin can seriously speak french better than my academic high school french class. she was like "bvhvvn fmcfmcc jghfmdhdb ghghfnf?" n i was like..."le wtf?" and that definitley won't be the last time Kurda gets called Barbie! have sweet dreams in your coma! xoxo"  
_**Merry Wanderer of the Night: **_"lmfao :D i'll let Kurda know...unfortunately, he is the type who thinks fuschia goes with everything (gag me). hope you like this chappie xoxo!_

Kurda: (whining) What did she say about meeeeee?

Darren: Um, moving on!  
**xXVampireXx:** _"pansies_..._hmmm not entirely sure, since they were all shouting at once XD but it sounds like something Mika would say! Badical, what an awesome word! i gotta use that one! enjoyy xoxo!_

And that's it for replies, folks! Roxy wishes to extend her warmest thanks to her reviewers and hopes they will continue to make her smile when she opens her inbox...Geez, Roxy, that was really sappy. Now for our disclaimer which we choreographed all by ourselves!

Harkat: (holds up sign) WE  
Seba: (holds up sign) ARE  
Larten: (holds up sign) PROPERTY  
Kurda: (holds up sign) OF (whining) Of? Why does my sign say of? Why couldn't i have a cool word?  
Darren: (holds up sign) DARREN  
PARIS: (holds up sign) SHAN  
Arrow: (holds up sign) NOT  
Mika: (holds up sign) ROXYPONY

(they hold the signs up for several moments)

Mika: (whispers) Can I hit Kurda with my sign now?

Darren: (whispers to Mika) Right after i introduce the Story. (to audience) Presenting Chapter 8! Dun dun dun DUUUUUUHHHHH!

Mika: Now can I hit him?

Darren: Yes.

Kurda: (shrill, girlish scream)

(LIGHTS DOWN, ON WITH STORY)

* * *

Darren Shan was euphoric. He had gotten the Vampire Mountain gang up and down the mountain not once, twice, but _three_ times. If you know anything about Larten Crepsley, Harkat Mulds, Seba Nile, Mika Ver Leth, Arrow, Paris Skyle, and Kurda Smahlt, you know they can be a real handful. So, yes, Darren was pleased with himself. There had been no injuries, no more embarrasing moments than usual, and a minimum of complaints. And not only were the Vampires getting comfortable on their skis, they were actually beginning to _enjoy_ themselves.

Of course, it was too good to last.

The gang congregated around a large map on a billboard, planning what run to take, when Harkat said,

"Let's try this..one. We've never...used it...yet."

According to the map, it was long and winding, and it ended at the bottom left corner of the mountain beside a little Chalet. There was small lift that could take them back to the top. Sounds simple enough, right?

"Sounds good." Darren agreed.

"I don't know..." said Mr. Crepsley apprehensively. "Remember what happened last time Harkat chose the route?"

Everyone recalled their adventure on the icy, mogul infested double black diamond monster. They had survived, but barely.

"That wasn't my...fault. The hill...tricked me!" Harkat Mulds protested.

"Let's just go, you guys." Darren reasoned. "What's the worst that could happen?"

Of course, everyone had an answer for that one.

"There could be wild animals!"

"If theres no shelter, we could get frostbite, and that totally _kills_ your complexion!"

"We might get lost...and _starve_!"

"How do you know the Chalet isn't a Vampaneze headquarters, waiting to ambush us?"

"What if it's another one of those double-black-diamond abominations?"

"Well I'm in." Mika interrupted. "If you're too _pansy _to come, that's your loss."

"I will come." sighed Larten regretfully. "I have not tried that Chalet's coffee yet."

"I hear it's...really good!" Harkat added, although he had no idea if this was true. But the gang belived him, so away they went.

As the cruised down a relaively easy hill, Harkat shouted, "There's our...turn off to get...to the Chalet!"

Darren frowned. "Are you sure? I think it's further down!"

"No! This...is...it!" the Little Person swerved at the last possible moment, closely followed by the seven Vampires.

The snow conditions were terrible. It didn't look like anyone had used this trail in ages. There were natural moguls everywhere, and deep, chunky snow.

"I...don't...think...this...was...the turn...off!" Harkat moaned as the moguls bounced him around.

"No kidding, Mulds!" Darren growled as he almost wiped out.

A shrill scream caused them to look up. Kurda had gone off the track and was blazing a new trail- right through the woods...towards a river.

"Kurda, turn!" Darren instructed. But Kurda couldn't turn, if he did, he'd hit a tree. He couldn't stop, either. The river was getting closer and closer. Kurda was as good as dead from hypothermia. Suddenly, just as he was about to leave dry land, a big black blur intercepted his path and knocked him over, effectively stopping him from enetering the river. The two of them lay facedown in the snow for a moment, then Kurda looked up at his saviour...

"Mika...you totally saved my life!...Ohmigosh!" he squealed, jumping up and down gleefully. Then he rushed over for a great big hug.

"We all make mistakes." Mika grumbled as he flicked Kurda off and slowly stood up, testing himself for broken limbs.

Since the group couldn't walk up the hill, they decided to keep going down and hope it wouldn't get any worse. And hoped there was a chair lift at the end.

But it did get worse. Much worse. (Why did Darren get that computer?) It seemed this path hadn't been maintained for a while. There were trees and potholes (Potholes in snow? Is that even possible?) and the occasional moose that darted across the hill. There were impossibly tight corners, waist-deep snow, brutal ice patches, and minus -90 windchill. Finally, Harkat yelled,

"I think I...see the bottom!"

All cheered. Until Harkat rounded the last turn...and screamed. As Darren and the others skidded to a stop beside him, they saw why.

The tiny valley they'd landed in had a Chalet and a chairlift all right, but it was completely deserted. The chalet was locked. The lift was frozen solid. Snowdrifts everywhere. Darren regretted bringing the computer to Vampire Mountain. Everyone turned to stare at Harkat.

Harkat gulped.

There was total commotion for about 10 minuites straight as the Vampires tried to attack Harkat (instead of Kurda, for once) but luckily for the Little Person, he was able to duck between them and make a run for it. He made it to the Chalet and smashed a Harkat-sized hole in a window and scrambled in, successfully locking the furious Vampires outside. Eventually, Darren was able to bring his friends under control only by promising to get them out of this situation "even if it kills me!"

Harkat looked out the window. "If my safety...can be garunteed...I will unlock the door...so you can get in...and we can figure ...out how to turn ...on the heater...and maybe find...some food while...we're at it?" he suggested apprehensively.

The Vampires promised not to injure Harkat, and soon they were seated at an old table inside, with Darren coming up with a plan.

"Ok, Me, Mika, Arrow, and Harkat will try to turn on the heat and lights in here. Seba, Mr. Crepsley, and Paris, you go find some blankets and food."

"Um..._Excuse_ me?" Kurda bitched.

"Kurda, you, um, stay with us...I guess. Now everybody go!"

Darren, Mika, and Arrow searched for the control panel that regulated heat throughout the building while Harkat ran into every room, flicking lights on to createmore heat. It was a small chalet, with a cafeteria, 2 bathrooms, a kitchen, a lounge with a bar, and a small games room with air hockey, pinball, pool, etc. Eventually they stumbled upon a locked metal box mounted on the wall, which they assumed was the control panel. Mika ripped the lock open, and the three came face-to-face with the biggest, ugliest mess of wires, switches, and buttons they'd ever seen. Harkat wandered in behind them and said a word a bit too strong for a T story.

"Who taught you that one, Harkat?"

"Never...mind, how are...we going to...turn this on?"

All eyes on Darren.

"Do I look like an electrician to you?"

"Let's just start pressing buttons." Arrow said determinedly. As he said this, he reached forwards and jabbed a large red button.

They learned several seconds later that it was the button that turned the sprinkler system on.

"Nice." Darren grumbled. "Now we'll get hypothermia twice as fast."

"Make it go off!" Kurda wailed. "My hair is gonna get frizzy!" And he carried on wailing. You'd think he was being tortured.

Arrow pressed another button. The sprinklers shut off, and were replaced with a gut-wrenchingly loud fire alarm, which assaulted the sensitive ears of the Vampires. He desperately started punching buttons in an attempt to turn it off, but instead caused the sprinklers to come back on.

"You're...not...helping!" Harkat moaned as her reached up and starting flicking switches, causing the lights to flicker, brighten, and dull sporadically. In addition to all this, a radio station could be heard over the fire alarm as a result of Harkat's mad switching.

Darren decided things couldn't get much worse, so he began pulling wires in and out of their sockets. The power in the buliding flickered on and off insanely as the fire alarm and sprinklers came on and off every few seconds. Needless to say, it was complete and utter chaos.

Then, a voice was heard over the insanity:

"What on earth are you doing?"

Darre, Harkat, Mika, Kurda, and Arrow turned around to see Paris, Larten, and Seba standing in the doorway.

"We're trying to turn on the heat!" said Darren desperately.

"Would you not have better luck if you tried over here?" said Paris intelligently as he pointed at a dial on the wall marked "HEAT CONTROL."

All eyes on Darren. Again.

He cautiously walked over to the dial, turned it way up, and chuckled nervously. Then he gulped and turned to the three older Vampires.

"So, did you find any food?" he inquired politely.

Mr. Crepsley brightened. "An entire store room full. And since it's so cold here, it is all fresh."

Everyone momentarily forgot Darren's mistake and cheered loudly, and rampaged in the direction of the store room.

Minuites later, they had dragged their booty (booty being food, pillows, and blankets) up to the cafeteria where they had pushed the tables to the side of the room and arranged the pillows and blankets on the floor, slumber party style! (Much to Kurda's delight. "If only i had my hair accessories..." he sighed.) Everyone was in a much better mood, considering the circumstances. After a meal of chocolate bars, pepperettes, rice krispie squares, and gatorade, they flopped down on their makeshift beds and plotted how they would escape from the valley tomorrow.

"I say...we just...walk back up." Harkat suggested bravely.

Kurda vetoed that suggestion. ("Do you have _any_ idea how many gallons of sweat that would produce? _Totally_ bad for the pores")

"Why can't we just phone the main lodge and have them pick us up?" Darren said logically.

Mika shot that one down. "One, we don't know their number, and two, even if we did, I'd rather die honorably down here than owe my life to humans!"

"Damn humans...damn Vampires...we should all just be turtles or something!" Darren growled, losing his temper for the first time since installing the godforsaken computer.

"I propose that we find a way to repair the chair lift thus giving us an easy exit from this valley of doom!" said Mr Crepsley unsuspectedly.

"I do not approve of those abominations." Seba seethed. "And I wouldn't ride something supposedly repaired by anyone less than an expert!"

His complaint was ignored.

"That's the best idea I've heard all day." said Darren tiredly. "All in favour?"

Seven hands went up.

"All opposed?"

Seba raised his hand redundantly.

"Alrighty then. Tomorrow, we're going up!"

Applause from everyone but Seba. Tired from the day, the Vampire Mountain gang lay down in their assorted blankets and pillows and hoped they would be back in their hotel tomorrow.

* * *

Hey everyone! Roxy is back! Hope the boys weren't too much trouble! And I hope you didn't find the review replies too confusing (in case you didn't know, my reply to you was in _italics _and the stuff the Vampires said was in normal text. but im sure you were smart enough to figure that out.) I think the boys had an good time doing my AN, do you think I should let them help out some other time? Or is that a bad idea :P

I have big exciting news (all look up) **I got my first ever detention!** No, i was not smuggling drugs. No, i was not having sex in a classroom. I failed to complete 3 out of 8 questions on an English assignment, so I was landed in the Delinquent-er, _Detention_ room and i missed most of my lunch. But it was all good, cuz i spent it re-reading Trials of Death, which my friend the Librarian let me take out even though i had an outstanding fine (40 cents!) on a book which i had to borrow to use in art class.  
Oh, and I would like to extend congratulations to my dad, who won a free coffee. Well done.

WHAT? You didn't think that was exciting? Meh.

O, and feel free to check out my other story, Closer Than Brothers (all about Mika and Arrow). recently posted. only one review so far (HINT HINT HIIINT!)

REVIEW AND RECCOMEND FOLKS!

**_HAPPY HUG LARTEN MONTH!_** (sob, its almost over!)

xxxROXYPONYooo


	9. Part 2: A Triumphant Escape

AN: well howdy there folks! i didn't expect to update this soon, but hey, lucky you! anywho, im tired so i'll get straight to the reviews:

**AnyaTheRhymer**: uughh i know :( my english teacher is a bit of a dolt...but he let us watch Troy, so i can't bring myself to hate him. lol i wouldnt mind skipping to sleep in, except i live in the middle of nowheres, so i have to take a bus to school :P lmfao sweet dreams xoxo

**Elenafromthewoods: **awwww i appreciate that so much! but im not thaaaat good...i just write whatever pops into my head. but your story's just as good, if not better! lol dont worry, i went easy on Mr Mulds in this chapter. hes just way too cool!  
i dont know how often i'll update Closer Than Brothers, it doesnt seem to be getting too many reviews, just you and Peridot Tears so far (thanks! :) but im enjoying it, so i definitley wont leave it behind. enjoy this one! xoxo!

**Peridot Tears:** (rocks on) YEEHOO! all will be revealed! im hoping the ending will be a suprise...maybe. xoxo!

**xXVampireXx:** It doesn't have to end! i officially declare Larten "Huggable", meaning he can be hugged at any time! (although his official month will be March) And i declare April to be **_HUG HARKAT MONTH_**! bolded, italicised, and underlined, its a triple threat! woohoo, go Muldz! oooh those contractions! i try to get those, but when im typing along at 200 mph, i often slip. my apologies, i shall proofread harder! :)  
wow, a detention for a jammed locker? how is that her fault? can you say UN-FAIR?  
kurda bitched. i laugh at that too :P i shall try to include it at least once a chapter :D  
long reviews are gretly appreciated! every second i spend reading a review is one less second i spend being bored. not to mention they are way more meaningful to the author :P xoxo enjoy dahling!

**MioneRocks:** lol the Vampire gang is learning the hard way that nothing ever goes smoothly :P but i would have thought they'd figured it out by now. but then again, if they had, what would there be to laugh at? xoxo :)

thankies to all. now on with teh story!

* * *

The gang was awoken at ungodly hour the next day by "Wind It Up" by Gwen Stefani blasting on the loudspeaker. No one questioned who turned it on, because there was only one Vampire in existence who listened to Gwen Stefani.

"KURDA, TURN IT OFF BEFORE I YOUR CRUSH YOUR IPOD! OR BETTER YET, YOUR SKULL!" That was Mika, of course.

"But it's just getting to the chorus!" Kurda howled as Mika snatched the hawt pink iPod away from the loudspeaker Kurda has discovered in the basement.

But that didn't stop Kurda from bursting into song:

"Uh, uh, uh, WIND IT UUP!, uh, uh, uh, uh  
Uh, uh, WIND IT UUP!, uh, uh, uh, Come on, uh  
Uh, uh, WIND IT UUP!, uh, uh, uh, uh  
Uh, uh, Yodellay, yodallay, yodel-LOO!"

Mika took a swing at him, but the wannabe-Gwen Stefani pranced away.

"He's not worth it, Mika." Darren advised. "Just ignore him."

But deep inside, Darren kicked himself for bringing the Computer into Vampire Mountain.

"Can we at least get some better music?"

"What's the point? We're escaping from the Vally of Doom today, remember?"

"Can we at least...get food...first?" grumbled Harkat.

The rest agreed, so they stampeded down to the food storage room, where breakfast took longer than anticipated. Seba thought it would be an excellent idea to turn on the slushie machine. (But when it later soaked him in cherry red, blue raspberry, and lime green ice, he declared it an "Abomination!") Mika and Arrow held a Gatorade-chugging contest, which Arrow won, but he lost spectacularly to Harkat afterwards. A brief celebratory ceremony was held, and Paris christened him "Harkat of the Gatorade". Darren thought it would be a good idea to evacuate his crew before they discovered the fully stocked bar. When he'd finally ushered them outside, he asked the Big Question:

"Who here wants to help me fix the Ski Lift?"

Loyally, Harkat raised his hand.

"Anyone else? No? Alrighty then."

The pair searched all over for some sort of igniton, or switch, or a damn button to turn the thing on. Darren eventually located a small switchboard. By this time, the rest of the Vampires had trooped back inside to wait, thinking it was too cold. Apparently the switchboard thought so too. It was completely coated in ice.

"MOTHER F-"

"Fudgesicles!"Harkat interrupted. "Well you...know what...you'll have to...do, right?"

"No, Mulds, but I bet you're gonna tell me."

"Sit on...it. Until...the ice...is melted."

"I don't think so."

"You said you'd...get us out of...here. You...promised." Harkat reminded.

Darren stared furiously at Harkat for a moment, then plonked his butt down on the switchboard.

"I'll be inside...chugging Gatorade...if you need me." the Little Person smirked before retreating into the Chalet.

"I'm gonna kill him..." said Darren to no one in particular.

The hours passed. The ice melted. And with no warning whatsoever, Darren was humungously electrocuted by the water from the melted ice as it trickled into the switchboard. After lying unconscious in the snow for about 30 minuites, he wandered back to the Chalet, trailing smoke. Any human would have been totally fried by the power surge.

"Good news." Darren moaned. "Now I can start fixing it."

Ignoring Darren's seared appearence, everyone cheered.

And poor Darren trooped back outside again.

After even more hours of tinkering, hoping, and being electrocuted, Darren almost had the lift working. Now he was certain all he had to do was just pull a large lever which would hopefully make the lift move. Tingling with excitement, he walked up to the lever, looked it in the eye, and jerked it with all his might. He fell back in the snow, and with a cry of triumph, he looked at the lift he's fixed single handedly. The only problem was, it didn't seem fixed. It was totally stationary.

He screamed the alternative word for "fudgesicles" for about 10 minuites straight, whilst regretting bringing the computer into Vampire Mountain. This brought his so-called friends outside.

When he'd calmed down and explained the situation, bursting out in fudgesicles every 10 seconds, the Vampires figured that pulling the lever would be quite easy. Mika pulled it. Pulled it a bit harder. Wiggled it, then yanked it with all his Vampiric strength. Nada. Arrow tried. The he tried again, accompanied by Paris and Mika. Mr. Crepsley and Seba joined in. The damn thing refused to budge. The Vampires collapsed into the snow.

"It's mocking us!" Paris groaned.

"Abomination!" Seba screesched furiously.

"Blasphemous spawn!" Mr. Crepsley added, apparently hoping to insult the metal stick into giving itself up.

"Bitch!" Kurda tried.

"Fucktard." Darren mumbled. Mr. Crepsley heard him. Mr. Crepsley smacked him.

"_Bad_ Darren!"

After another hour of pulling, pushing, kicking, sweating, and swearing, the tired group trudged back to the Chalet, preparing to spend another night. After indulging in a supper that was similar/identical to the breakfast they'd had, they settled in for another cold, TV-less night. Sometime after Mr. Crepsley had finished telling his third lame ghost story in a row, Kurda let loose a terrified squeal.

"AMERICAN IDOL IS ON IN 2 HOURS!"

Everyone groaned in annoyance, but Darren groaned in dissapointment. He actually kinda enjoyed American Idol... He had an idea. A small idea, but an idea nonetheless.

"We could try to move the lever again."

The Vampire Mountian crew mosied back outside to give one last kick at the cat. In an hour and a half, they'd made no more progress than earlier.

"What time is it?" Kurda mumbled sadly.

"8:30." Darren answered. "I don't think we're going to make it."

Kurda freaked out: "Not going to make it? Are you kidding me? We tripped 500 miles in a UPS van, 2000 miles in a plane we almost didn't get on, made it down a frigging double black diamond hill without even wrecking my hair, we've survived like 2 weeks without shampoo, ("More like 2 days" Darren mumbled, as Kurda began whacking the lever with his boot) and I want to straighten my hair again, and buy that magenta toaster I saw in The Dollhouse, and I haven't missed a single episode in this season and I'm not gonna start now because I don't want to stay here anymore, I-"

The lever moved. The lift moved. Kurda paused his bitching and looked up.

"YES! FINALLY! We can go home!" he declared.

And for the first time in his life, Kurda Smahlt was willingly hugged by all his friends, including Mika. They spent almost 10 minuites jumping and screaming for joy, when they remembered they had a warm hotel room to go back to. Not to mention a exciting episode of American Idol...

So they crowded onto the newly fixed lift and soared up, up, and away out of the Valley of Doom. They triumphantly slid off the lift and booted down to the bottom again, this time taking a clearly marked trail that led to the main Village.

Before they knew it, they were snuggled in Darren and Harkat's room, humming the theme music of American Idol. Munching chips. Chugging yet more gatorade. Cheering or booing the singers. Taking funny pictures and videos of each other. Doing what friends do on vacation. Everyone was happier than they'd been in a long time. Even Mika and Kurda were getting along a little better. (Until Kurda spilled cream soda all over Mika's iPod. The iPod still worked, but this didn't stop Mika from attempting to throw Kurda out the window.) After American Idol was over, almost everybody fell asleep where they were sitting. Mika, Arrow, and Harkat were splayed out on the couch, while Mr. Crepsley lay facedown on one bed with a pop bottle still in his hand, while Seba reclined on the other bed. Paris lay comfortably on the floor near the TV, and Kurda was curled up in a armchair, with a brush and mirror in his hands. Darren took a picture of his _family _before crawling onto the only available space (the kitchen table) and dozing off with a smile on his face.

* * *

hmmm...do you think that last part about the family was kinda dorky or cute and heartwarming and all that? meh.

/s/4149304/1/CloserThanBrothers JUST CLICK IT (hey, it pays to advertise, right?) im currently writing chapter 2. 1 is just an introduction, not much happens, but 2 should be more interesting, and will alternate between Arrow and Mika's POV. if you gimme a review, i might even try to update Vampire Files a little faster! (i know bribing is wrong...but i gotta do what i gotta do)

ONLY 2 MORE DAYS OF **_HUG LARTEN MONTH_**! huggle dear Mr. C before time runs out! although, he's so darn cuddly that we don't need an excuse to hug him...the month will end, but the hugging shall continue! (glomps Larten)

and i declare April to be **_HUG HARKAT MONTH_** as i said above. Harkat rox my sox.

lots of love, ROXYPONY


	10. News From Home

Awrighty! sorry for the wait, roxy's been travelling! had to go to pennsylvaina for my cousins wedding shower. plane got cancelled twice, then we rebooked our flight but had to drive to a whole other airport. flew out of there to detroit but our connecting flight got delayed once before boarding, again on the runway, and again before landing for 30 mins each time. we were supposed to arrive at 1pm, but we ended up arriving at 1am. big difference between the 2. woke up at 8 the next morning, shopped with my cousins for about 5 hours, partied at the shower till 11, woke at 7:30 the next day, shopped for 2 hours, flew home, luckily with no delays this time. but i got some inspirations for this chapter, and-

(Larten runs in and smacks me)

Larten: This is a Fanfic! NOT your personal blog!

Roxy: but im telling them why the update was late!

Larten: NO buts! get on with the replies!

Roxy: gah...

**Saya3427: **lol amazing how fangirls (myself included) can think even a little person is smexy...gosh i love fandoms! :D smexy! i love it! and you spelled frankenstein right. i notice these things. glad ya liked it! keep them reviews comin! xoxo

**xXSunshine-SanneXx:** hmm...do the parts with mika and kurda seem like it's implying slash? cuz thats not my intention...lemme know, dahling! SO glad you like! xoxo

**AnyaTheRhymer: **lol i know hes wise and clever and stuffs, but i cant help but make fun of him! there are just some characters that dont agree with me... hot chocolate? where'd ya get that? :P save me some...oh, and the vampires want some too! hope you have lots! xoxo

**xXVampireXx:** Eeep! i hope one of my loyalest reviewers doesnt turn into kurda on me! cuz one of him is MORE than enough :P harcore and metal, huh? unless three days grace counts as metal (i dont think it does) im afraid i dont know many metal songs...although i have heard of my chemical romance, i dont know any of their songs. but im always looking for new music for my ipod, so which songs do you reccomend? as for bam margera, i haven't the slightest clue who he is! sorry my music knowledge is extremely limited, but i hope ya enjoy this chapter! xoxo

**Merry Wanderer of the Night:** who says you have to stop making fun of kurda? i dont plan on stopping anytime soon...sorry kurda! cool thanks! my favourite chapter so far was #4, "Road Trippin". thanks so muchies! xoxo

**Peridot-Tears:** awwww i love warriors! squirrelflight is welcome to stay! my personal favourite kitty is stormfur. i was so sad when he joined the tribe :'( eew poor squirrelflight's tail :P keep goin with teh reviews! they rox! xoxo

**Elenafromthewoods: **kurda the sister...i love it! oh i noticed i forgot to include October on the calendar...i think ill move Mika from september to October, so he can be between our birthday months (mines in september) and ill put Arrow in september...now im confused..ill write it out again:

JAN-vanez  
FEB- kurda  
MAR-larten  
APR-harkat  
MAY-vancha  
JUN-seba  
JUL-paris  
AUG-arra  
SEP-arrow  
OCT-mika  
NOV-gavner  
DEC-darren (cuz he loves christmas so much)

there it is! new and improved! i love your long reviews elena! xoxo

a note to **still-dreaming15** if shes reading this: in my reply to your review on a previous chapter, i said in my reply "oh, i loved Vampires in Vegas!" thinking that story was one of yours. but i re-checked, and it wasnt written by you, it was written by Darkened-Harmony. Roxy's poor little brain is not extremely organized. sorry for any confusion that may have caused! :)

* * *

It was another peaceful morning at the Ski Resort. The Vampire Mountain gang had taken a break from skiing after their unplanned camp-out in the Valley of Doom, but they were having a great time shopping around. Everyone felt more kindly to Kurda after he'd fixed the chair lift thus rescuing them all, so they allowed him to take them to his favourite stores and suggest things to try on. (Not that they actually bought anything he suggested.) In fact, the entire gang was getting along better. Seba was less grumpy, Kurda had spent a little less time in front of the mirror, and Mika had only tried to kill him once since they'd returned from the Vally of Doom. Life was bliss. Until Darren looked at the calendar...

"WAKE UP!" he screamed, terrifying his roomate Harkat, and waking up not only the rest of the gang, but everyone else in the hotel. Mr. Crepsley, Seba, Kurda, Mika, Arrow, and Paris stampeded into his room to make sure he was all right.

"What's wrong?" Paris asked concernedly.

"Did you have a nightmare?" Larten inquired.

"Did Harkat try to do something..._inappropriate_?" Seba added suspiciously, causing the Little Person to blush.

"No and NO!" Darren yelled. "We have to go home today! No more skiing!" As much as he hated to admit it, there were genuine tears in his eyes. He half-expected the others to cheer, but they looked downcast too.

"We can...book our rooms...for longer?" Harkat suggested.

Darren blushed. "I kinda...maxed out our credit cards..."

For several moments, everyone stared miserably at the floor. Then Mr. Crepsley's cell phone broke the scilence. He looked at his screen.

"I appear to be recieving a text message..." He pressed a button. "...from Madam Octa?"

"What does it say?" Darren asked, baffled at why the gargantuan spider would be texting Mr. Crepsley. He didn't know she had a cell phone. Damn, he didn't even know she could type.

Mr. Crepsley read the message. He looked shocked beyond belief. He stared at the phone screen for a full minuite. Then he looked up at the others and made an alarming announcement:

"Madam Octa is getting married."

It took about 30 seconds for the shock to wear off. When it did, Darren and Harkat looked puzzled but pleased. Mika, Arrow, and Kurda looked disgusted. Paris rolled his eyes. Seba was glowing with pride.

"To the grey spotted spider, I assume?" Seba said.

"Indeed." Larten began to smile. "So we must hurry home. We have a wedding to plan. She has requested the 8 of us specifically."

Everyone stared long and hard at Mr. Crepsley.

"You want _us_ to plan your _spider's_ wedding?" Mika looked insulted.

"Forget it. I don't do weddings, especially not spider weddings." Arrow added.

"Yeah!" Kurda finished lamely.

"Fine. I shall tell Madam Octa, who has enough poison to kill 10 Vampires _very_ painfully, that you do not wish to help with her wedding. I hope for your sakes that she will understand."

"What do you mean, we don't want to help? Madam Octa's a great spider, I love Madam Octa! Sure we'll help!" Mika appeared to have had a change of heart. Mr. Crepsley smirked.

"Her name's Madam Octa, right?" Mika added nervously.

"Soon it'll be _Mrs. _Octa!" Darren laughed. "C'mon, let's pack up and go!"

"I shall tell her we are on our way." Larten grinned, punching buttons on his phone, as the rest of the gang scrambled to re-pack as fast as they could.

An hour later, with 20 re-packed bags in hand, the gang was sprinting out of the hotel towards the Escalade.

"Shotgun!" Mika called, vaulting into the front passenger seat. Darren, who had mastered the art of driving (but not parking) clambered in on the other side. Harkat took up his position in the trunk, sitting on a mammoth pile of luggage. The others packed into the middle seats.

"Are we ready to go?" Darren asked.

"Yes!" said everybody.

"Are we sure?"

"Yes!" said almost everybody.

Darren knew who's voice was missing. "Kurda, if you have to go to the bathroom, just say so."

The stereotypical blonde threw off his seatbelt and crawled over Paris and Arrow to get the the right-hand side door. Even though the left-hand side door was right next to him. He model-walked back into the hotel.

"Let's leave!" Mika suggested excitedly.

"Not such a...bad idea..." Harkat chuckled.

But 10 minuites later, Kurda strutted back out to the car, crawled back over Paris and Arrow, and the Vampire Mountain gang was on the road again. The ride from the Resort to the airport was sleepy and uneventful. Well, Paris made a brief video documentary, and Kurda thought it would be a hilarious idea to moon the camera. Harkat was snoozing peacefully in the back, until a sudden speedbump caused him to topple over the seat into Mr. Crepsley's lap. You know, nothing out of the ordinary. But all the same, everyone was glad to arrive at the airport.

But once inside, they were presented with the same problem as before: they had absolutely no idea which damn plane was theirs. Darren tried not to let anyone see how nervous he was, but after they checked their backs, he had to face the inevitable:

"Guys, I don't know where we're supposed to go. Any ideas?"

"We could just, like, get on one and see where it goes?" Kurda suggested.

"We have a bad idea. That's a start." Mika commented.

"Let's ask someone." Paris said sensibly.

So Darren asked the baggage checkers, who informed him that their flight was departing from gate 18. Wherever the hell that was.

"Harkat, any chance you can hijack one of those golf cart things again?"

"I probably could... but it won't... help us find ...gate 18."

"Can you get one anyway?"

So the gang hung out by the sunglasses stand, trying on frames then posing for Paris to take their pictures, while Harkat snuck discreetley over a parked cart and hotwired it. Darren carefully watched Harkat's progress, then he had an idea. He eyed a security guard snoring on a bench. He casually sat down beside him, and ever so Mission Impossible-y, he snatched the unsuspecting guy's identity tag before slipping back to his friends. Just in time to see Kurda don a pair of shades encrusted with pink crystals.

"Eeek." Mika stated.

"You're just mad 'cuz these won't fit on your face!" Kurda bitched, rubbing his slender pretty-boy nose.

Roll of eyes from Mika. "Yeah. That's the reason."

Luckily, Harkat pulled up. Darren called shotgun and jumped in, fixing the identity tag to Harkat's cloak.

"There. You look like you work here." Darren chuckled.

When everyone had purchased sunglasses (but why Vampires would need sunglasses was beyond Darren) they piled into the golf cart. It wasn't any bigger than the other one they'd ridden, and once again Mr. Crepsley found himself clinging to the roof. Although, unlike last time, they were in no hurry, but Harkat still floored it to 80 mph and burned his tires around every turn. But nobody pulled them over. Darren hadn't jacked that identity tag for nothing.

After circling the entire airport at least 3 times, the gang found gate 18 purely by chance. They exited the golf cart and promised to order one (or several) on eBay as soon as they got home. When Darren figured it would be at least an hour before their flight was boarded, the crew proceeded to make themselves comfortable on the waiting benches. Seba stretched out and went to sleep. Paris continued his documentary, which turned out to be quite epic. Darren filmed Paris attempting to film a random person talking on a pay phone. After the annoyed person smashed Paris's camera, he returned to his seat dejectedly. He sat in scilence for several moments, before "borrowing" Arrow's camera and chasing another stranger. Darren filmed this too. He'd put it in the "special features" section of the documentary. Harkat wandered off to tinker with the vending machines. Mika, Kurda, and Arrow were having a blast on the moving sidewalk. They'd get on one and run in the opposite direction it was going in to see who could make it to the opposite end first. Mr. Crepsley, Father of the Bride, was watching them with a mixture of amusement and disgust. Paris interviewed him, making sure to catch Mika, Kurda, and Arrow's antics in the background. But the hours dragged on, and the flight wasn't called. Seba awoke and became cranky. Darren sent him off to Starbucks to get himself some caffeine. Mr. Crepsley and Paris followed him to make sure he didn't encounter any problems along the way. Harkat grew tired of tricking the vending machines, and Mika, Kurda, and Arrow were chased off the sidewalks by airport security. As Seba returned with a massive cup of coffee, an announcement was made:

"Attention passengers of flight 147, departing from gate 18. We regret to inform you that your flight has been cancelled due to unexpected engine problems. Please accept our apologies as we work to fix this problem."

Darren screamed fudgesicles extremely loudly, then turned to watch his friends expressions. Harkat looked confused, Mika and Arrow looked pissed, Seba looked insulted, Larten and Paris looked dissapointed, and Kurda looked blissfully ignorant of the situation as he twirled his hair peacefully.

"What...now?" Harkat mumbled. "Please say...we are not...stuck here?"

"I'll try to book us another flight." saud Darren numbly, walking up to the booking counter, leaving his crew to complain loudly. Ten minuites later, he returned.

"I've got some good news and some bad news. I've booked us another flight home, but it leaves tomorrow. Think you guys can handle another night in a hotel?"

Mixed reactions followed. Harkat was agreeable as usual. Seba refused flat out, saying that the entire trip was an abomination. Kurda wanted to know if the hotel had a spa. Mika demanded private rooms. Arrow agreed to go, as long as there was room service and a No Vampaneze Allowed policy. Seba, Larten, and Paris wanted to know what the fine dining accomodations were like. Darren tried his best to answer:

"Ok. Harkat, I appreciate your enthusiasm. Seba, unless you wanna sleep on the airport floor, you're coming with us. Kurda, I'm sure they do, but if not, you can just sleep in the bathtub. Mika, sorry, but we don't have anough money for private rooms, in fact, we'll have to share one room. Arrow, you can have as much room service as your little heart desires. Paris and Mr. C, as for fine dining, I'm sure there's plenty of vending machines. Everyone OK with that? No? Well, tough. Now everyone back to the Escalade!"

On that merry note, Darren Shan's troops marched back to the ivory coloured Cadillac Escalade sparkling in the airport parking lot.

* * *

okey dokers! hope ya liked it, REVIEW AND RECCOMEND! and if you call yourself a Vampire Files fan, PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE check out my other story! IVE ONLY GOTTEN 3 REVIEWS! cyaz lata...

oooooh, and check out "Christmas in Vampire Mountainby the hilarious Elenafromthewoods! if you like TVF youll luv this story! tahnks!

xoxoROXYPONY


	11. Return To Vampire Mountain

Before you attack me, let me apologize about the long wait between updates. im sorry! ive just been busy with homework and training my horse for the upcoming show season. updates might not be extremely frequent for the rest of the school year, but i PROMISE ill work my ass off and update every few days as soon as summer starts! happy now?

**Saya3427:** woohoo! 2 calenders! yours includes more characters than mine. mines pretty much just the vampire mountain folks.  
is the wedding idea awkward funny or awkward bad?

**Peridot Tears: **Yes, i just finished reading Sunset. yeehoo, Stormys back! :D im halfway through The Sight. lovin it! seekers? is that about warrior cats or something entirely different?

**Elenafromthewoods:** you're right, it wasn't exactly 2 weeks, but i got really tired or writing them at the ski resort...anywho...yeah weddings are so funny and so chatotc and full of poofy white lace! sounds like a good time, especially with Kurda around XD  
yes i love travelling too, even though the stupid airline attendant made me put my iPod away until we took off...grrrr...glad you loved the website!  
and yes, Closer Than Brothers isnt going so well, still only 3 reviews...but im gonna try to keep it going...  
wow, youre lucky you have a friend thats into DSS! none of mine have read it. (well one has read books 1-4, but hes not crazy into them like me. but hel'l read this fic if i annoy him enough, im sure :P) xXSunshine-SanneXx wrote several very very nice reviews :)

**CocoLime:** dontcha know pointless rambling reviews are my favourite things to read? they mean way more than stuff like "i love your story, update soon" and stuff like that ;)  
glad you think im writing larten in character! and thanks for your lovely review on Closer Than Brothers, that ones not doing so well. still only 3 reviews. but hey, chap 1 of The Vampire Files only got 3, so im gonna keep on keeping on! :D

**AnyaTheRhymer:** lol i'm arachnophobic too, so i wont be helping Madam Octa choose her wedding dress...Kurda can do that :P thanks for the hot chocolate, but its so humid and rainy up here, id really like a fudgesicle! :P or frozen hot choc on a stick O.o

**Queen Of Disturbia:** heha yeah, airline ppl can say that, its not THEIR vacation on the verge of cancellation! link didnt work? stupid thing. did you type it into the bar thing instead of clicking it? computers have messed up little minds. :S  
i see you changed your pen name, at first i was like "i couldve sworn Merry Wanderer wrote that review.." lol i wonder how many times ive changed mine...definitley more than 7

**xXVampireXx:** yeppers, the weddings gonna be a blast. Kurda will be right in his element :P my favourite 3DG songs are Let It Die, Wake Up, Get Out Alive, Its All Over, and Burn, to name a few :P i found Black Parade a bit slow for my taste, and i havent gotten around to downloading Teenagers yet, but that ones pretty popular among my friends. anywho.

**MioneRocks:** glad you liked it! i think its spelled ominous...im a compulsive speller...lol

We are currently in **Hug Vancha Month**. (by my calender anyway) i dont actually like Vancha, so i wont be hugging him, but i gave him a month because apparently he has a lot of fans out there...? so go ahead anf hug Vancha, and while youre at it, tell him to take a shower? you can find the official calender somewhere in chapter 10, or else you can make your own if ive left put your favourite character. cant please everybody, although id like to.

i dont own DSS. sob. cry. scream. beat fists on floor.

on wit da story

* * *

"Whooooooaa!" was Kurda's reaction when Darren steered the Escalade into the parking lot of a massive resort hotel.

"What's this...place called?" Harkat yelled from the back of the fancy SUV.

"Le Hotel Grande!" Darren answered.

"Not more damn French!" Mika moaned as Darren swooped the Esacalade gracefully around one of the little gardens adorning the gargantuan parking lot. Chamillionaire's "Ridin' Dirty" blasted on the luxury stereo. Darren waved at a young couple pulling Prada suitcases out of a Mercedes-Benz. Nearby, a group of businessmen piled into a sleek limousine while a group of young girls with massive sunglasses texted on their cellphones as they strutted into the hotel laden with shopping bags.

"Um, Darren, question: Those chickas have Guess suitcases. And D&G shades. How can we, like, afford a hotel this richie?" Kurda inquired.

"_Richie_ is not a word." growled the Father of the Bride, Larten Crepsley.

Kurda stuck out his tongue. Mika threw his iPod at Kurda's head. Kurda threw it back, but it hit Paris instead, giving him a bloody nose.

"I managed to afford a luxury suite here!" Darren said excitedly.

"Please tell me you didn't just say _A_ luxury suite, as in _one_!" Mika complained. " Why not just private rooms in some dump if it's only for one night? I can't handle another night inhaling Kurda's toxic hair chemicals!"

Darren rolled his eyes. "You don't have to share a bed with him, you know!"

"Hell no!" Mika snarled. "But I can smell his Britney Spears crap from a mile away!"

"I'll make sure he leaves his gunk in the car." Darren sighed, desperate to please all his friends for allowing him to drag them to another hotel.

"Speaking... of the car... shouldn't we be... parking soon?" Harkat asked as they began their fourth loop around the parking lot.

Darren had known all along that he couldn't avoid it. It was time to tell his friends that he had absolutely no idea how to park. He closed his eyes, blurted out the bad news, and braced himself.

The reactions were standard: Seba exploded in a barrage of furious and cranky complaints. Harkat tried to remain positive. Kurda squealed that the air condidtioning in the car was bad for his skin. Mika shot dark glances at Darren while he and Arrow muttered insults under their breath. Paris sighed in exasperation, pulled out his camera and proceeded to interview Larten on his opinion of the situation. Darren hummed "Ridin' Dirty" as he regretted bringing the computer into Vampire Mountain.

Harkat clambered up to the front of the car and seated himself between the stick shift and Darren's seat.

"Parking is...quite simple, really. All you have...to do is stop...and back yourself...in." Harkat explained kindly.

"The spaces are so tiny though!" Darren moaned. "I'll hit another car! And then I'll have to pay for it!"

"Good...point." Now even Harkat looked concerned.

"We can't just stay in here forever." Seba added grumpily.

"What do you say, Darren? Take one for the team?" Mr. Crepsley said slightly more kindly.

Mika, Arrow, Paris, Seba, and even Kurda could see that complaining would get them nowhere. If they wanted Darren to park them somewhere, they had to boost his ego.

"Darren! Darren! Darren!" Arrow chanted awkwardly, trying to get the others going. Paris and Mika joined in halfheartedly. Kurda, however, had a different approach: he rummaged in his baby blue carry-on Prada bag and pulled out a pair of mini fuschia and silver pom-poms. Mika cringed.

"Gimme a D! Gimme a R! Gimme an A! Gimme another R! Gimme an N! Wuzzat spell?"

"Drarn?" Mika guessed.

"_Darren_!" Kurda complained incredulously, amazed that Mika could be so totally clueless.

"OK I'LL DO IT!" Darren yelled determinedly. And without further ado, he swung around backwards, and shot the Escalade right into the nearest parking space. !

"Darren, I am no expert on driving, but I think it would be better to first see if the parking space is empty, _then_ park the car." the Father of the Bride said helpfully.

"You know what, Larten? Shut up." Darren growled at his mentor as he backed away from the wreckage of a pale green SmartCar. "Those little things are just _asking_ to be creamed."

But after five different cheers from Kurda, a dented Lambourghini, and a smashed headlight on a Limo, Darren had the gang parked neatly (kinda) by a charming water fountain.

"_Land!_ Solid land!" Kurda wailed as he flung himself out of the Escalade onto the pavement.

"Drama queen." Mika grumbled as he carefully stepped around Kurda.

"Barbie." Arrow added.

"Be polite, boys." Paris reprimanded the younger princes.

As they drew nearer to the hotel, Mr. Crepsley whispered to Darren:

"Are you sure we can afford this?"

"I'm absolutely sure. I checked our credit balance, and we had exactly enough for one night."

"Exactly? As in nothing left over?" Seba interrupted. "Those infernal plastic cards are abominatons! This damned concrete jungle is an abomination! The flying tin cans are abominations! This trip is an abomination! _The abomination is an abomination!"_

"Freak fest much?" Kurda commented.

"You used that line already, Kurda. Once was too much. Twice is an abomination." Mika added, before before screaming "AAAHH! I'M TURNING INTO SEBA!" He whacked himself with his backpack. Darren gritted his teeth and tried to stay calm as Seba whipped out a tube of toothpaste and squeezed it at Mika in retalliation.

"Hey! _Hey!_ HEY!" Paris bellowed, snatching the toothpase and the backpack before Mika could severely injure Seba. "Seba, knock it off. Mika, you should know better than to let him make you mad."

Mika was about to say something rude, but was interrupted by Seba's screech of "What the HELL is THAT?"

Darren had been expecting this.

"Relax. It's just a rotating door."

"Rotating door?" _Excuse_ me? Where I come from, doors do NOT rotate. I should take this disgusting abomination off to the Hall of Death! What is wrong with these humans? Are normal doors not good enough anymore? They have to be all rotatey this, and spinny that, why can they not be satisfied with simple things?" He continued on and on, but Darren tuned him out. He was exhausted to the limit, unbelievably frustrated, and friggin' hungry. And he felt a massive headache coming on. But he pushed it all aside and walked through the rotating door, hoping everyone would follow him. Luckily, they did, although Seba had to be led forcibly by Mika and Arrow. Darren numbly checked them in and got their room key, barey noticing Harkat's attempt to climb a large decorative water fountain, or Seba sniffing a potted plant and panicking when he realised it was fake. And he tried not to notice the suspicious looks from strangers as he opened the door of the hotel room and leaned tiredly against the wall as his grumpy friends trooped in. But his annoyance vanished as he entered the "room". It wasn't just room, it had 2 bedrooms with 2 beds each, a gleaming kitchen, a plasma screen TV, 2 computers, and an outdoor balcony complete with a hot tub.

"Ahhh!" Kurda squeaked, stripping down and running out to the hot tub. Mika screamed and covered his eyes. Mr. Crepsley and Paris ignored Kurda, but looked relieved and satisfied as they went to deposit their luggage in their room. Arrow and Harkat wandered into the kitchen to examine the fully-stocked fridge. Mika closed the curtains so he couldn't see Kurda outside, and flopped down on the couch, across from a very tired Darren. Arrow and Harkat took their places on either side of Mika, each with a club-size bag of chips and a crate of pop.

But after a marathon of soap operas, cop shows, murder mysteries, and (after Kurda returned) Pussycat Dolls music videos, the gang decided to go to bed so they'd be fresh for their 6:30 am flight. Everyone spread out on whatever couch, table, bed or chair they could find, and soon the only sound was Mr. Crepsley's snoring, Seba's grumpy sleep-mutterings, and Harkat nibbling quietly on a large steak.

It seemed like only minuites later when a shrill alarm shattered the peaceful scilence. Seven pairs of sensitive Vampire ears cringed at the horrible sound. Darren dragged his sleepy crew down to the All You Can Eat breakfast buffet where they were baffled by rows upon rows of strange food and creepy French chefs in strange outfits. After a large breakfast and a quick trip to the spa, (Kurda's orders), the 8 friends once again raced towards the Escalade, with Mika riding the coveted position of shotgun, and Harkat smuggling in the trunk. Darren smoothly un-parked and they hit the nearly empty highway.

Darren immediately blasted his favourite song "Ridin' Dirty" and was shocked but delighted when almost everyone sang along. With one hand on the wheel and the other flying out the window, Kurda howling the lyrics sounding more like a Spice Girl than Chamillionaire, Seba complaining about the "infernal human noise", Mika and Arrow pretending to play electric guitars (Even though it was a rap song, not rock.), and Harkat joyfully flinging gummy bears into the air, and the dark, empty pavement ahead and behind them, Darren had never felt so happy and alive.

But all too soon, the ride was over, and the Vampire Mountain gang found themselves exiting their beloved

Escalade for the last time. (But nobody would forget they had been there, everyone had signed the back of the driver's seat in Kurda's pink Sharpie.)

The plane ride home was uneventful. Honestly, truly, completely, ACTUALLY uneventful. Harkat didn't encounter any difficulties with the airport bathroom, Seba enjoyed the in-flight meal provided, Kurda seemed to have gotten over his air sickness, Paris was _almost_ done his video documentary, and Darren didn't bother to regret bringing to computer into Vampire Mountain.. The flight, the baggage claim, and most of the ride home passed in a blur. Harkat was driving this time, so Darren relaxed and appreciated the now familiar landscape that rushed past the windows. Until Harkat slammed on the breaks causing everyone in the back of the van and their luggage to fly forwards.

Lying on the floor with his head jammed under the Arrow's suitcase, Mr. Crepsley managed to reach up and pull the handle to open the door for everyone to tumble out. Once escaped from the confines of the UPS van, the gang raced full speed towards Vampire Mountain. They were home.

-Later...

The 8 travellers settled back in rather well. The Guardians of Blood had thrown wild parties in the Prince's abscence, and Madam Octa had a built a terrifyingly long list of wedding tasks to be planned, and everyone's in-box was clogged with spam, but the mountain was in good order considering the situation.

Darren ejected the foot stool on his armchair and leaned back comfortably as he watched Dr. Phil. Everything was back to normal.

Then without warning, _"Dontcha wish ya girlfriend was HOT like ME!"_ came blasting from a pink iPod somewhere upstairs. The next sound was Mika thundering upstais swearing he would crush the iPod into pieces if Kurda didn't turn it off NOW. Darren regretted bringing the computer into Vampire mountain as Seba let loose a barrage of cranky complaints about "abominative youngsters and their blasphemous noise!" Harkat opened the fridge, poked around inside, then jumped back sharply and said uncomfortably,

"Darren, what on...earth is this...green thing? Not even I...would eat it. It appears to be..._growing hair?"_

Normal by Vampire standards, anyway.

* * *

well congratulations TVF. more than 10 chapters, and more than 50 reviews! thanks you all for reading! the Vampires On Vacation saga is now ended, but the story will continue...ill try to get the next update sometime nest week, but until Summer Holidays start, i cant make any guaruntees, but ya never know.

and please check out my other fic, even though ive almost given up on ever getting more than 3 reviews...

xoxoROXYPONY


	12. let's revisit this for old time's sake

****This 'update' is posted for the sole purpose of having this story moved back up to the top of the fandom, and to put alerts in the subscriber's inboxes about the recent changes that have been made. And to politely request that you re-visit chapter one, if you're a TVF fan.

Thank you muchly :)


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